Monday, May 14, 2007

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part #1

Along with being a bad liberal, I'm also not the most classy person on the block. One would think that by going to college and law school, I would have gained a modicum of worldly taste and good breeding and sophistication. Nope...and here are a few reasons why...

I really don't like wine at all...except for rose and riesling. And not the few good roses that the food snobs actually appreciate, but the cheap, crappy, almost tastes like artificially flavored fruit juice rose, preferably from the box.

While we are on the topic of alcohol, the whole concept of good beer is totally lost on me. I don't think "hoppy" or "dark" or "stout" is a good thing, and it just makes it harder to chug.

I can't read books where I don't like the characters. If I think they are ass-holes within the first twenty pages and that they have no endearing or redeeming traits, I will stop reading. (Somehow though I still made it through The Time Traveler's Wife and if I wasn't required to read The Great Gatsby for junior honors English I would have stopped after Nick passively watched Tom Buchanan beat up his mistress with no opinion or reaction grr...) The Corrections...ugh! Seriously between the passive aggressive mother and the son who felt so unfairly punished by the university because he screwed around with one of his students, I was done. Witches of Eastwick...ew! Besides the fact that the three witches seemed like utterly awful people, Updike had a misogynistic tone and his metaphors were just crass and not edgy. However, I have still continued to read the Stephanie Plum series, even though the books really have not been that good since #7, and I have reread such classics as The MacGregor Brides and The Red Hat Club Strikes Again numerous times along with other fickle, shallow books with no redeeming literary value.

I LOVE TV! There I said it, and not just the fairly decent shows "Brothers and Sisters" or "Six Feet Under". Oh no, currently I'm obsessed with "Degrassi: The Next Generation" even though I have been out of high school for five years, this summer I watched both "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Last Comic Standing." I also LOVE America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Shear Genius; and many bad competitive reality TV shows. Though I watch more TV than is probably healthy, I've never seen a full episode of Arrested Development and was not sad when it was cancelled. I also wasn't sad when Everwood was cancelled, it had a great first season, but after that I stopped caring.

I try listening to independent music, but these efforts fail frequently. So I'll just stick with the catch tunes of Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, and the many, many songs I hear on the radio that are just catchy. The only reason I know of some decent songs and can tell Nirvana and Pearl Jam or Our Lady Peace and The Smashing Pumpkins apart is because my sister actually has decent music taste.

I love chain family restaurants...Applebees, Chili's, Tony Roma's. Nothing makes me happier than fried appetizers and baby back ribs. But Billy McHale's beats them all. least Billy's is fairly local (and has $4.00 Three Mile Island Iced Teas).

Finally I cannot schmooze or make small talk to save my life. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to be a decent lawyer if I can't even schmooze. Because I really don't think, wandering around nervously while twirling my hair is going to make law firms or prominent public interest organizations think tough lawyer who will win us gazillions of cases and get us a bunch of good publicity.

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