The Gauche and Unsophisticated List: The Early Years

Sadly I had a deprived childhood. Despite my warm loving family, inspirational speeches, stylish back to school wardrobe, and lack of curfew during my teenage years (however I was the perennial good girl, I stayed out late because I was hanging out with Joooan!, RToo, and Weather Girl and playing Trivial Pursuit), I always felt that something was missing. That something was a subscription to the Disney Channel.

When I was very young, and my family still lived in the booming metropolis of Concord, California; we did have the Disney Channel Subscription, and I lived for Kids Incorporated. So when we finally moved to Washington state, I was heartbroken when my cruel, cruel parents refused to subscribe again. So that means I lived, lived for the Winter and Spring Preview weekends, where I would watch all the great shows that I could not watch normally. And I was addicted to both Kids Incorporated and The New Mickey Mouse Club (or MMC).

Some of my earliest TV memories are watching Kids Incorporated, and when I was three and four Martika (she later went on to sing Toy Soldiers) was my favorite. Here's the intro: behold the fabulous Martika applying blush and Fergie (yes, the little blonde Stacy Ferguson playing jacks grew up to be the infamous Fergie) before she had any street cred. Also for more interesting, and probably well known by now, trivia -- Renee and Stacy were in the short lived group Wild Orchid together. Ahh the bonds of Kids Incorporated.



I'm not going to lie - the theme song is still damn catchy. And I still maintain that the seasons from 1985 - 1989 were the best (they rerunned those seasons all the time). Jennifer Love Hewitt and Eric Balfour could not compare. See what I mean?



Amazingly Eric's character, named Eric, did not die, and Kids Incorporated went on for two more seasons.

Anyway, during preview weekends, I also discovered the wonders of the MMC. Now the media made a big ole hoopla about J.C., Britney, Christina, Justin, Keri Russell, and Ryan Gosling being Musketeers, but I was there from the beginning when Tiffini was the coolest and when they formed the rockin band The Party. Jennifer and Lindsey were my favorites from the show, and they were on all seven seasons, so whenever preview weekend came it was always comforting to know they were still there.

However, I had totally forgotten about Video Jam! If you had thought that early 1990s power ballad videos were too gritty, edgy, and inappropriate - no worries, the MMC was there for you with the cheesiest, most sanitized videos ever - safe for even the most sheltered of youth. Here are my favorites!

Watch a bunch of MMC hotties frolicking in open fields covering Toad the Wet Sprocket.



There's frolicking, twirling and rainbows! Draw your own conclusions.

And Disney even thought Amy Grant was too edgy for its audience and needed to be more innocent. And what's more innocent than flirting on bicycles?



I would have coveted Terra's purple leggings when I was ten.

So thank you You Tube for allowing me to relive my childhood. And I don't even need a Disney Channel subscription (though now it is included on extended basic cable on Comcast). However, Disney Channel does not show these gems anymore. Hannah Montana does not compare.

Gauche and Unsophisticated Potpurri

Oh, I have sunk to new lows during the past few weeks. Let's just get to it, shall we?

Good Thing I'm Not a Celebrity:
Otherwise my picture would be posted on Go Fug Yourself....
After lamenting the rise of the leggings since 2006, I finally succumbed and bought two pairs (brown and black, depending on what I want my outfit's neutral to be). I'm so ashamed!

Back when I was in elementary school I lived in leggings. I had a fun lace trimmed pair in second grade. In third grade I was all about the paisley and floral prints. In the fifth grade I discovered the wonderful plaid. Finally in sixth grade, I discovered the wonders of solids. In fact I was sad when the middle school dress code stated no spandex, and my mom told me, I would not be wearing leggings. Thanks Mom for saving me from middle school fashion humiliation. (Instead I started wearing overalls, and I had the hottest red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt - I was the envy of all of Vista Middle School). However after sixth grade, I realized that leggings were such a bad idea.

When leggings returned to the scene, I was appalled. I did not want to relive my horrible fashion moments. However then I found three very cute sweater dresses and one cute sundress, with very flattering necklines, but they were a wee bit short. Hence the leggings. However, I will only wear them with said dresses, and not with tunic tops, oversized t-shirts, or even regular sized t-shirts like a BU undergrad, and brown and black will be the only two colors I ever own. There will be no paisley, plaid, lace trim or flowers. I mean it! Nope!

Hopefully Heather and Jessica will forgive me!

Helen Hunt's Best Movie Role Ever:
I wish I could be Lynn Stone...
When I was at Target about two weeks ago, I found the dance epic Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on sale for $5. This 80's movie starred Sarah Jessica Parker, as a Catholic school girl who loves to dance and just wants to star on Dance TV; Lee Montgomery, as her 5'5" "rebel" dance partner in the dance contest (though he is slightly more threatening that Adrien Zmed); Shannen Doherty, as his little sister who tries to be more grown up by dressing "punk," and Jonathan Silverman, as "the rebel's" dorky best friend with a budding career in selling knock-off goods. But the best character was Helen Hunt as Lynn Stone, who created awesome fashion creations out of her Catholic School uniform, sang Calypso music in choir so SJP could sneak out to dance practice with Pocket Rebel, and had the brilliant idea of inviting a bunch of punks and outcasts to evil, rich girl's debutante party. I haven't like Helen Hunt as much in any other roles she's ever played. Lynn Stone is the best, and honestly if the movie was about her and her exploits, the movie would have been much more entertaining, though I do love the movie so.

Seriously, though, this movie was so low budget that they did not even use Cyndi Lauper's "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun" for the soundtrack, instead it's a terrible cover with shouting "hey, hey!" and clapping. The plotline is so incredibly cliched with good girl discovers herself through dance and brings around her strict parents, while falling in love with a not-very-threatening rebel. Then this team of opposites wins the dance competition with their tumbling passes and backflips (that's where Neil from So You Think You Can Dance got his solo strategy!) and find love. However, I must say that SJP's character here in this movie is much, much, MUCH more tolerable than Carrie from Sex and the City.

One Tree Hill is influencing my music choices
Like many of my favorites songs during the summer months, I always enjoy the exit song from So You Think You Can Dance. This past season it was, "It's Only Life" by Kate Vogele. This song also was frequently used in numerous movie trailers (and I also enjoy the pop music used in movie trailers as well - what can I say? I'm plebian). Anyway, so I finally bought her CD. Then I learned that she played a character on One Tree Hill. It was a small point of pride for me that I never watched OTH (hey let me cling to small claims to having decent taste in very few situations), yet here I am indirectly supporting one of their stars. Sigh...

Tis the Season...
One of my favorite things about December is the great number of cheesy Christmas movies. If the movie is a Christmas Carol remake/modernization/retelling, the main character discovers the importance of family/small towns, the main character finds true love with the small town boy she loved many years ago, or the son or daughter of Santa Claus discovers the true meaning of Christmas, then I will be sitting in front of the TV on my couch with my feet on the coffee table, with a cup of hot chocolate.

Speaking of Cheesy Movies....
Many people watch Lifetime Women In Peril movies as guilty pleasures. But I take those movies way too seriously and cannot deal. However, I do love their romantic comedies. I cheered on Tara from BTVS when she decided to do the 7 things on her list (that she wrote when she was 12) before she turned 30, and of course this led to self-discovery, true love, a fulfilling job, and a wedding. I quite enjoyed Janeane Garafolo's road trip with her mom's dog which led her to figure out all her commitment issues. Of course, by watching these movies I keep Canadian movie production companies in business, and since I grew up in Whatcom County which is right on the border with Canada, I'm really indirecing supporting the Whatcom County economy. Plus, Degrassi guest stars always seem to be in them, so it always exciting to see pervy Mr. Oleander as a romantic lead who loves Tara just the way she is, or Tracker, Sean's responsible, yet troubled brother, as Janeane's one true love. (Yes, I realize I need to let Degrassi go already, but I did love that show once!)

Until next time...

Blog Personality Test

My friend Patti, with whom I spent my middle school and high school years debating about many social issues of the day - including a rolicking debate about school vouchers at KeeleyMarie's 17th's birthday party (however we both hate novels about tedious suburban angst), has linked to the Typealyzer on her blog. Supposedly, this program reads your blog and tells you what Myers-Briggs Personality Type you are. Since, I'm such a woman of mystery, and all you dear readers have NO IDEA what I'm like, I sure you'll find the results fascinating.

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.


One would think that with all my whining about college hippies and Barbara Kingsolver novels, the computer would have found me to be more judging rather than perceiving, and I don't think I'm particularly quiet. Also who knew that overuse of the word totally, blatant reference to the reading audience, and comma splices would be signals for gentility and compassion?

Maybe not so apathetic after all...

I may have been apathetic all election season, but when I watched the election coverage on Tuesday and found out that Obama won Ohio, I did herky jumps in my living room that totally would have put me on the FHS cheerleading squad back in high school. And I cheered obnoxiously. My poor downstairs neighbors.

However, boo California, boo! Unfortunately, I think many of my family members in California (the ones that called me a Communist when they found I was a Democrat and the ones that think I'm a heathen for swearing during the annual Thanksgiving Poker Game - I really should never play poker against my relatives - they're ruthless) may have contributed to the success of Proposition 8. And since I'm no longer in California, I can't lecture them about it during Thanksgiving at Grandma's.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: More Bad TV!

After the three week hiatus, 90210 is now losing its luster. When will the showrunners realize that Annie, Ethan, and Naomi are not that interesting, and stop writing episodes that focus on their tedious love triangle? Argh...even bad TV should at least focus on the more interesting characters!

That said...I am addicted to two more reality TV shows. These shows appeal to my love of "try-out" competition shows.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team: This show really should offend everything I stand for. "Young ladies" try out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders squad where they have the honor of being paid $50 per game and wearing heinous puffy sleeved blouses. The director Kelli McGonigall Finglass pokes at the auditionee's non-existent fat and very seriously says that if they don't look right in the uniform they will be cut. The fitness director lectures the girls that their body fat percentage must be between 11-15%, which is about the equivelent BF % of marathon runners. These poor women have to do ridiculous fitness challenges, get make overs with big Texas hair, get humiliated during "etiquette training," get publicly lectured by the sanctimonious Kelli and choreographer Judy, and go through all this agony while smiling, except when they are hysterically crying when they get cut. Yet, I have watched every season, and I am even happy for the poor girls when they finally do make the squad.

Scream Queens: In this VH-1 show, 10 struggling actresses are all vying for a "break out role" in Saw 6. So far they have had to seductively eat fruit, get attacked by a snake while in the bath-tub, get chased by a doll, and pose for ridiculously titled movie posters. Of course along with the ridiculous challenges that are supposed to show that they are prepared to be leading ladies, there is the requiste sniping, crying, and bitchy confessionals. Of course I have my favorites! I am rooting for either Lindsay, the former child star (she was Caitlin on "Caitlin's Way" and I loved that show), Tanedra, who has had no formal training, or Sarah, the talented yet "ugly" one. Of course my favorites never win. I am still bitter that stealth bitch Bailey beat awesome Autumn on Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods, so now I am incredibly happy that the show did nothing for the musical's sagging ticket sales and it wound up closing. But I sincerely hope that Lindsay, Tanedra, and Sarah will at least get some exposure from this show and be cast as characters with actual names in either movies or TV .

Why do I get so invested in stupid TV? Why?

Bad Liberal List: Election 2008! Where I was apathetic, but judgmental.

So this election season, both during the primaries and the general election, I felt nothing but apathy. Which is odd. And my inner teenager would be very, very ashamed of me right now.

Before I could legally vote, I loved politics and was fascinated by the presidents. Sis RoyalTurkey and I made up a game, called the President's Initial Game when we were about seven and eight respectively. She would turn to the Presidents section of our 1984 Funk and Wagnell's Encyclopedia and then give me a president's inititals and then I would guess who that president was! It was very exciting I tell you. During the 1992 Presidential election, I loved the Presidents unit in the fourth grade, and I learned many, many facts and myths about them. I was super excited about the collected biographies of Presidents and First Ladies that I received in the fifth grade for my eleventh birthday. I lectured my elementary school classmates about many political issues that I had very little knowledge about. I was heartbroken in 1996 when the Republicans took back Congress (ugh!), and I ranted and raved for days about Rick White beating Maria Cantwell for her House of Representatives seat (even though she was not in my district!). My senior year of high school, I so wanted to vote, even though my birthday was on Inauguration Day and therefore I would not be old enough to vote in the 2000 election. I threatened to move to France if Dubya got elected. My mother told me to calm down and stop exaggerating, and my AP Government teacher Ms. Kubic suggested that Finland might be a better option since they have an excellent socialized medicine program.

Then I went to college, and the obsession continued. I went to CMC because the school was proud of its Government program. I loved my U.S. President Class, not only because I learned many interesting things about Presidential history and political strategy, but also because now I am able to list all of the presidents in order (except I can never remember the 11th president). In that class, after learning about the Reagan backlash in 1986, I wished I had stronger political memories of 1986 so I could remember the Borking and general Democratic Congressional Dominance. (All I actually remember about 1986 was that I played with Barbies, started preschool, and bobbed for apples and unsuccessfully tried to hit a pinata at one of my many cousins' birthday parties back when I lived in California.) I stayed at the Ath for four hours with a bunch of my college classmates as we watched the 2004 election returns come in, and then I paced around my college apartment ranting and raving about those returns. All-in-all, I was a your garden variety political dork, surrounded by many others at good ole CMC. In fact I was one of the less politically active - since I was not an active member of the Claremont Democrats, I did not phone bank, and I did not prescinct walk. Maybe that was a sign of thing to come.

Here's a list of my shameful behavior and thoughts this election season:

I did not vote in the Democratic Primary. For some reason after I moved to Boston, I never got around to registering to vote in my district. Shameful, lazy, a disgrace to CMC grads everywhere, I know! Further, I did not have a strong opinion one way or the other about Obama or Clinton. They both had similar voting records and experience in the Senate. Also, for all of the hoopla about Obama being against the war in Iraq, once he got to the Senate he certainly voted for many of Bush's reccommended National Security bills including the renewal of the Patriot Act, just like Clinton! So really, we had two rather moderate democrats who had more charisma than past Democratic primary candidates. Further, the complaints about Clinton's "electibility" rubbed me the wrong way. The gist of the argument seemed to be that many people thought Clinton was a bitch and that was the reason they did not vote for her, and nobody would be saying that if a man had Clinton's personality. Also, I had no problem with Clinton fighting the primary as long as she did. The vote was pretty damn close, and I would have fought too. But that said, I was not really amazed by Clinton or Obama, and I could not decide.

I did not watch political coverage during the primary. This was supposedly one of the most heated primaries of all time, and I did not particularly care. What will I tell my grandchildren?

I did not watch the political conventions. In the battle between watching self-congratulatory fanfare of both parties and bad summer television, bad summer television won.

I did not watch one political debate. Then again, I always hated watching political debates, even back when I was a budding political wonk in elementary and middle school. The debates always seemed to be repetition of the same points, and then whining about small things, such as the hoopla over Bill Clinton not calling Bush 1, Mr. President, during the 1992 debates, during the 1996 debates. Also, by the time the primary season was over, I already knew I was going to be voting for Obama, so what was the point of watching? Especially since Project Runway was airing at the same time.

Both parties pandered to the public with their VP choices. And pandering has been a political strategy for centuries, so I did not understand the outcry.
When Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain's running-mate, many people in the media and bloggers ranted about how the Republicans were pandering to the moderate women who were upset that Clinton was not picked as Obama's running mate. First of all, of course they were pandering to people, politicians do that all the time. However, it was not a very effective pander, since Sarah Palin ran counter to all of John McCain's campaign slogans of being an experienced maverick. Since McCain is the oldest or one of the older presidential candidates of all time, I thought it might be a good idea to have a more moderate running mate, since many are afraid he'll die and might worry about a more conservative VP becoming President, and there is no major conservative third party threat. But he did not do that. He actually had a shot of getting the moderate vote before naming his running mate, but he certainly shot that all to hell. And managed to aliente some of the elites in his own party. Good going!

However Democrats pandered too! Their pick of Joe Biden basically reassured their more traditional base and some moderates, that not to worry, the Democrats have an old white man on their Presidential team too! I also thought that it definitely proved that Obama was going to pick Edwards before he got caught with pants down. Therefore, he had to go with the second best old white man who suffers from both asshole tone (more traditionally known as having a condescending, defensive tone of voice or sounding like a prick) and foot-in-mouth disease.

But, although I was apathetic, yet judgmental, all election season. I finally registered to vote here in good ole Central Illinois, and I will be voting for Obama at the B-N YMCA on Tuesday. Happy voting everyone! Avoid hanging and dimpled chads! Goodness, I was so apathetic this election season, I'm even using dated voting jokes. Sigh....

P.S. Since I'm getting political anyway: If you are registered to vote in California please vote "No" on Proposition 8 on Tuesday. There are good conservative and liberal arguments against it, so there's even a rationale for everyone! Everyone should have a right to get married to the person they choose and should have those benefits of being a married couple in the eyes of the law.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Redemption and New Lows

So I disappeared again, and I really have no excuse, since I spent the last month or so lounging around and having my mom do my laundry. However, now I am an officially an adult and an actual lawyer (weird!) with my own one-bedroom apartment in the midwest and an actual job with a contract that is longer than the summer. Since I have only worked two days at the grown up job, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this adulthood stuff yet.

Enough about my real life though, time for more confessions about my tragically bad taste.

First some good news!
After the horrible Mr. Boston bullying debacle I did not watch another episode of "I Love Money." Okay, so I watched about 15 minutes of the next episode. However, I found that after the bar exam that these contestants were awful, horrible, no good little twerps, and I could not root for any of them. Plus, a show watching them do nothing but form alliances and hissy fits, is dull. Yay, I have some standards! They may be low, but they are still there!

Now, the bad....
Since I had quit watching Degrassi: The Next Generation and Gossip Girl I had not been watching any cheesy teen dramas or teen dramas that rip off plot lines from 1970s storylines of Soap Operas. Then came the new, hip 90210 (because putting the city name in front of the zip code is so 1990s).

When I was in the fourth and fifth grade, I loved Beverly Hills 90210. My mom refused to let me watch the show until halfway through the fourth grade, but then I was hooked. I was glued in front of my tv set during the "Donna Martin Graduates" rally in season three. I was honestly concerned that Donna Martin would not be able to graduate because of her drunken shenanigans at prom, and I thought the school board was being totally unfair!

However, my favorite character on that show was Brenda. I thought she and Dylan were the best couple ever. When my friend LV and I would discuss 90210 in Mrs. Scheck's fourth grade class (right before Mrs. Scheck sent me to the quiet corner for being too chatty), he would always rant about what a bitch Kelly Taylor was for stealing Dylan away from Brenda and that if Brenda was able to go to Dylan's party, Dylan would have chosen her. After gently admonishing LV about swearing in class, I would agree with his general sentiment. (Somehow though, I was still shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when LV came out senior year of high school. Sadly, I did not hone my oversensitive gaydar until college.) And in the season 4 finale when Brenda and Dylan kissed before she went to London, I was giddy. Of course then Brenda never came back and the writers decided that Kelly and Dylan were soulmates and the show got lame. So halfway through season 5, I gave it up. I think it was the first guilty pleasure show that I quit watching. Valerie would never live up to Brenda!

When I first heard about this spin off, I did not care one bit. Kelly Taylor as the guidance counselor? Lame! What was she going to do? Teach students how to steal their best friends boyfriends while being condescending and sanctimonious? However, then the showrunners managed to get Shannen Doherty, the awesome Brenda!, to return and then I was in.

I have watched every single poorly written episode. Objectively this show is not good. The interesting storylines move too fast (i.e. Silver, Kelly Taylor's much cooler sister, dealing with her mother's, Jackie Taylor - fashion show cokehead!, alcoholism). The really tedious, annoying storylines drag (i.e. Naomi, supposedly the bitch, tries to save her parents marriage and scrunches her face to show she has layers!). The lead female character, Annie Wilson, is such a "Mary Sue" (seriously students were applauding her in the hallway) and really needs some flaws and for other characters to call her on her crap already.

Somehow though I am invested already. I love Dixon and Silver! They are the new Brenda and Dylan. They are so flirty, and cute, and Dixon punched out the sleazy, inappropriate agent that was hitting on Silver, and Silver called out Dixon for presuming that making out would lead to sex. Hopefully the writers don't screw this up.

Also Brenda is back and was so-o past the high school drama, even when I thought she totally should have called Kelly on her crap in the last episode. It was glorious when she told boy toy teacher that he dodged a huge bullet by not having a relationship with Kelly, and then flounced off with him. Glorious!

I actually even like most of the new characters on this show, even Annie has her moments. If the writers would have Ethan the cardboard, yet sensitive, jock stop mooning over Annie and their summer relationship from two years ago, and give him storylines about dealing with his autistic brother and school and sports and balancing it all, then he would even be interesting. However, there is no hope for Naomi, and she should just be sent to boarding school.

Despite this, I faithfully DVR the show every Tuesday, and then watch it after Greek, so I can fast forward through all the commercials and Naomi's scenes.

At least I have a new teen show to watch, but knowing my track record with teen shows, my relationship with 90210 will probably only last about two seasons. Of course by then I will have fallen in love with another cheesy show that I will blog about.