Confessions of a Gauche, Unsophisticated, Bad Liberal

I'm back.... and bawling...about lame things!

2011-03-02T19:15:00.000-08:00

Alright, I've been gone for awhile - so here's the standard spiel - I've been busy (work, community theatre, and now roller derby!), I promise I will be better about updating (well....probably not, but I'll try, possibly), and I have so many ideas about things to post (well, I do, but I never seem to actually post them).

Anyway....I've always been a bit overly sensitive. This week has just been a bit nuts, though, even for me. Here's a list of the things I've cried about this week:

I read this article and 1) realized that I have cried during most of the moments mentioned in the comments (Tod and Copper in The Fox and The Hound, the death of Littlefoot's Mom in The Land Before Time, the Baby Mine scene in Dumbo), and 2) just reading about those moments made me sob.

I went through of fit of nostalgia this week, and discovered The Chipmunk Adventure on You Tube, which I loved when I was six. It has fifty kajillion plot holes and cheesy musical numbers. However this scene:

made me realize that all the poor Chipettes were orphans and didn't have their mother anymore, and it made me cry for them. Seriously??

Mike Isabella's stories about his grandmother made me get all choked up on Top Chef, and I greatly dislike Mike Isabella.

And the most embarrassing thing - when Ondrei broke down during the acting challenge this week on ANTM, I cried too!

Did I mention that I'm on a roller derby team, and I am supposed to be bad ass now? Well, hmm...

A Scene from the Theater

2010-01-28T19:03:00.000-08:00

When I found out one of my roles in Play It Again, Sam, I was quite excited. I will get to be in this scene:

How could I not be giddy? I get to perform dialogue that is quoted on IMDB!

Needless to say, this role will be a stretch. At rehearsal tonight:

The Director: "You need to be more monotone."
MRT: "I thought I was being monotone!"

However, I can do this. I can be artsy, faux-deep and nihilistic. I will be monotone, and my inflections will be subdued! It will happen!

Billy Corgan is as deep as a kiddie pool

2009-12-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

I think I need to text Sis RoyalTurkey about this.

I love it when I'm vindicated.

However to be fair to B. Corgs, I did like a few Smashing Pumpkins songs. However, I still attribute my appreciation of these songs to James Iha, D'Arcy, and the drummer the Smashing Pumpkins had at the time. Here's the angstiest song I like.

Yet, when I confessed to Sis RoyalTurkey that I liked this song, this is how the conversation went.

MRT: I actually like "Rat in the Cage."
SRT: (rolls eyes) Sigh...It's called "Bullet With Butterfly Wings."

There really is no hope for me.

Lather, rinse, repeat

2009-07-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

Tragically, I've had all these topics to write about lately, but no time to write them. I promise, though, once I eventually have time to blog, these entries will be funny and ranty with lots of parenthetical asides (do you expect any less?).

However, I've noticed that when I talk to people I frequently discuss things that I've already discussed in my blog. At Seussical rehearsal I whined to one of the Bird Girls about college hippies with no outdoor living skills. One time on a cast outing at Chili's I ranted to the waitress about my hatred for Rent, and then proceeded to discuss every single reason why I hated that musical so much. And I've discussed this hatred on my blog twice!

Are there really only a finite number of things I can whine about? Am I becoming one of those little old men who tells the same stories over and over again? I'm only 26! And I'm a woman! Oh dear... Thank goodness I haven't become a blogging superstar who has agents offering me publishing contracts and representation, then whenever I would talk to people, they would probably already tell me that they read it in my blog already.

I promise though, my future entries will be about new topics, that only a few people have heard about before. I hope. Otherwise maybe I should start looking into retirement communities.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Now with musicals!

2009-06-07T18:06:00.000-07:00

Right now I'm watching the Tony Awards, and in keeping with my gauche and unsophisticated taste, I keep tuning out during the focus on the plays and hope they show another colorful musical number soon. Also, now I totally even want to see Rock of Ages even though I'm sure theater snobs will roll their eyes and moan about how the modern musical is merely an mish-mash of past pop songs, and that nobody writes original music anymore. But...Don't Stop Believing is one of the numbers! If I get to New York soon, I will be elbowing the little old ladies and gay tourists in the TKTS line for tickets to this and 9 to 5. But, I have no interest in seeing Next to Normal. None! Is it so wrong that I don't want to watch a musical about manic depression? This, combined with my great dislike of Rent (ugh - the entitlement, Maureen's twittiness (poor Joanne), the whining - and for all its claims to modernity it certainly seems to still contain every musical stock character and every tedious cliche ever, sigh....), probably will cause me to be shunned by all musical aficionados. However, even I rolled my eyes when Poison came out during the Rock of Ages opening number. This is the Tony's...not a hasbeen's last gasp (after the attempted country music career and three dating shows on VH-1 - that I have not watched) at relevance!

For the past two months, I haven't been watching as much terrible TV, reading cheesy, everything-is-resolved-at-the-end-of-the-book, mystery novels, watching ridiculous romantic comedies because I was in this little production.

However, Urinetown is over now (and some of my fellow cast members have been cast in a Peoria community production of Rent - I hope they forgive the above rant.), and I have discovered new shameful shows and movies.

I have actually been to the movie theater quite a bit this spring. This non-Trekkie (such a non-Trekkie that growing up I gently mocked my poor neighbor GoodKevGuy about his adoration over Star Trek: The Next Generation, sorry Kev!) adored the reboot of Star Trek, and today I bawled through Up (I think I may have scared the many children at the matinee) . However, a month ago I went to see Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, and I loved it, despite the fact that it was predictable. I did not understand all the vitrol that critics and other bloggers had about this movie. It was an adorable, fluffy cupcake of a movie, it made me feel warm and fuzzy, and I will own it on DVD.

Currently my DVR is filled with shows on which I need to catch up. I claim to adore both Pushing Daisies and Ugly Betty on my Facebook profile, but I still have not watched the last three episodes of Ugly Betty even though it's season ended four weeks ago, and I haven't watched the latest two episodes of the Pushing Daisies burn off. However, I have kept up with Wipeout and Greek. And I've found time to become addicted to two more shows.

Big Break: Prince Edward Island: This is a reality show on the golf channel about up and coming golfers competing for $100,000. It is refreshing how most of the show focuses on the golfers competing in challenges, and there is very little reality show drama. Normally, I hate golf, and I do not understand how anyone could be entertained by it on TV. I'm also terrible at golf - the grip is uncomfortable, I cannot drive, the one time I played with my fellow PPE majors I did not make par on one hole, and the best part of that day was the free Chipotle lunch. Somehow though, this show is compelling, and I relate to how all of the golfers keep yelling (well it's more a yell whisper) at the ball to SIT! I also talk to inanimate objects (especially my computer at work), so I can relate. Also there are some great compelling characters such as delusional Brian with his overwrought metaphors, and snarky Brenda. I want to be friends with snarky Brenda. I'll even play18 holes of golf with snarky Brenda, and she'll mock me, but I'll have a fabulous time anyway.

McLeod's Daughters: So this Australian soap opera ended over a year ago, and it's first season was back in 2001, and the show stopped running on the WE network in the US in 2006, but I now just started watching the show on cough..YouTube...cough. This show is about about two sisters who are reunited after twenty years when they both inherit their father's ranch, Drovers Run. Claire grew up with her father on the ranch, and her half-sister Tess was taken away from the ranch when she was very young, and grew up in "the city." The ranch is struggling, so Tess decides to stay on and help Claire work the ranch. They also have help from housekeeper/mother-figure Meg, her spoiled daughter Jodi, and Becky, who is seeking refuge at the ranch after a traumatic experience. Of course next door, there is Killarney, run by the Ryan family, headed by bastard with a heart of gold, Harry, and snobby, Liz, with their two handsome, flirtatious, so-obviously-the-love-interests, sons Alex and Nick, and in early seasons Killarney has the ranch hand Brick, whose only flaw is his mullet, and Terry who is having a secret (only to Jodi) relationship with Meg. The early seasons are glorious. Love triangles! Wacky hijinks to catch a rapist! Having to put down sick ranch animals with great significance to the family! Babies on doorsteps! Melodramatic affairs! Strippers getting stranded at the ranch! Running away! A one-armed mailman! The cutest love story ever between Becky and Brick! Yet, despite the cheesy, cliched storylines, the character actually have more depth than this show deserves, and occasionally there seems to be some realistic depiction of ranch life. Go, go watch it now, so I can have someone else to talk about it with.

Unfortunately, it started to go off the rails in season three. SPOILERS, THESE ARE SPOILERS, DON'T WHINE AT ME IF YOU READ THEM AND THEN ARE ANNOYED THAT I GAVE AWAY PLOT POINTS ...they killed Brick and tried to replace him with Jake the secret millionaire who was not interesting, wrote off Liz Ryan and added the uber lame Sandra Kinsella, and killed Claire, and eventually by the end of the series all the original characters have left the ranch and either moved to Argentina or died. So I've only watched a few post season three episodes that were really conclusions to plot points that began to established in earlier seasons...I mean I had to see Nick and Tess get married. SPOILERS OVER NOW.

But I have rewatched numerous episodes from seasons one and two. This show is quite addictive in the early years, and I promise it's actually compelling. However, the theme song is so cheesy that you would need bread pieces for the fondue. Behold:

Now, I have been cast in Seussical: The Musical, so I might be unable to watch as much bad summer TV as normal. Hopefully my fellow Seussical cast members will forgive my grave hatred of Rent and disinterest in Next to Normal and not shun me from all cast outings.

Neener, neener...Billy Corgan is not that deep after all!

2009-04-07T20:05:00.000-07:00

Reading about this news filled me with such joy! I no longer need to feel guilty about not understanding Billy Corgan's pain. All he needed to do to not feel like a rat in the cage is to date an MTV famewhore who cannot sing.

Of course, I was tempted to call Sis RoyalTurkey and brag. Unfortunately, I then remembered that I would have to explain to her who Tila Tequila was. (Now, I do have some standards, and the only reason I know who she is, is because I saw previews to her dating show when I watched the RW/RR Extreme Challenge.) Damn it!

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Such a refined palate!

2009-03-23T21:41:00.000-07:00

In my everyday, non-blogging, life I do try to maintain some pretentions of good taste when it comes to food. I ranted about how the hot sauce in Boston could have been consumed by me when I was two. I discussed how I adored tapas, and that squid in ink is acutally quite delicious. Now that I live in the midwest I hesitate to eat the seafood because there is no ocean nearby and therefore that means the seafood is frozen (gasp!). I proclaimed my love for dim sum, even though I've actually only gone for dim sum twice in my life. I watch Top Chef and mock the cheftestants when they use canned crab (but then again Hosea won that season - ugh!) or frozen scallops (thank goodness Spike Asshat was finally eliminated that episode). I know what a CSA is.

Despite my claims to good taste and my willingness to be adventurous, however, let's take a look at what I order when I go to all these different restaurants that I'm so open and willing to try.
* Thai - Pad Thai (2.5 stars)
* Chinese - Sweet and Sour Pork or General Tso's Chicken, or Orange Chicken when I go to Panda Express
* Mexican - Steak Fajitas
* Indian - Chicken Tikka Masala and Naan
* Italian - Cheese Ravioli
* Seafood - the fried seafood platter, or seafood drenched in butter lemon sauce
* Greek - Kebabs or Gyros
* Sushi - the California roll, a tempura roll, or the spicy shrimp roll with cooked shrimp

Drink of choice wherever I go - Coca Cola!

I think that about says it all.

Why can't things like this happen at my mall food court?

2009-03-20T21:04:00.000-07:00

I've discovered indie, edgy Canadian musicians!

2009-03-11T21:51:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the only reason I know these songs and these artists is because I heard the songs on episodes of Degrassi: The Next Generation, and then either went to the Degrassi.tv page or looked up the lyrics on Google. Though I have given up Degrassi for the most part, I have watched a few episodes this season because amazingly most of the new characters for season eight are actually good (and KC and Claire's nerd crushing is adorable, but I'm sure the Degrassi writers will destroy it somehow). Whenever I watch a few season eight episodes though I just pretend that the characters that had terrible write offs - Alex, Ashley, Craig, Sean, Terri - are actually leading happy and productive lives. And this happy Degrassi alternate universe has better writing.

Anyway, on to my great musical discoveries. And video clips because they're indie artists and actually let you imbed videos.

First is "Beautiful House" by Leeroy Stagger. This played during at the beginning of Our Lips Are Sealed, Part Two, where annoying Emma Nelson is struggling with her two episode eating disorder and unable to open up to her mother Spike (the teenage mom from the first Degrassi series). This clip was filmed at some cafe somewhere, and I would wait for it to load and then start playing it about a minute in because there's a lot of banter.

Then after that glorious discovery. I then also fell in love with the song Carol.

Then on the most recent episode of Degrassi: TNG (in Canada - the US is a few episodes behind), that I watched on YouTube (I will not contribute to its US ratings!); Jane Says, Part 2, I heard Sleeping Sickness by City and Colour. This song played when Jane had to sleep on a park bench because her traumatic childhood memories were returning, and she didn't have anyone to turn to. And there's actually a music video.

Enjoy! I will revel in my one moment of music sophistication where I've discovered indie groups. 4-HMike would be so proud!

Law school did so much for my earning potential!

2009-03-06T18:54:00.000-08:00

While I was driving home from work after a hellaciously looong day at work (I didn't get out of the office until 8:00 pm), I passed the B-N Family Video store. On its sign, it was advertising manager jobs at the store. The salary range? 30-50K! So yes, that means that experienced managers at the Family Video do have a higher salary than my salary. And they probably only have to work 5 days a week, every week. While I am working another Saturday. Good to know my public interest work is so valued.

Must remember that my work is important and rewarding! Really! It is! And I can afford my rent, gas, loan payments and the occassional splurge at Old Navy, so my salary is fine. Moving on now.

Comfort me with books! Anne of Green Gables

2009-03-01T19:35:00.000-08:00

I figured here at COAGUBL, it was time to introduce a new list category - Comfort Me With...! Yes, I realize I'm aping the title of Ruth Reichl's memoir Comfort Me With Apples. But I doubt the phrase "comfort me with" if copyrighted. Heck, I'm not even sure if that phrase could be copyrighted. It's at times like this that I wish that I took Copyright Law in law school, but the 8:15 start time was a bit of a deterrent. Like with my other entries, this entry will likely devolve into many anecdotes and overuse of parentheses (I'm the next William Goldman!). I decided I shall start with books. There may be some overlap with my guilty pleasures list, but my comfort entertainment is usually at least middle-brow.

Like with guilty pleasures, I tend to seek out comfort things more than I probably should. Furthermore, many people I know, have more high brow comfort books. My college friend Hacquecita (yes, I realize the blog I linked to is over three years old, but her insights are interesting!) once listed in her Facebook profile that she rereads Henry James (I think??) once a year. When things got too stressful for my college roommate Shy Violet, she would whip out her hardcover edition of Pride and Prejudice and get utterly absorbed in the lives of the Bennett sisters (SV was APPALLLED when I told her that I had never finished the book and that I thought it was "wordy and boring." I'm sure she'll continue to be disappointed that I still haven't read it past page 50.) And then there's the books I read...

Today, I will be discussing Anne of Green Gables by L.M. Montgomery.

The Basic Plotline: A plucky redheaded orphan, Anne Shirley, is mistakenly sent to live with spinster brother and sister pair, Marilla and Matthew Cuthburt, at Green Gables in Avonlea on Prince Edward Island, even though they asked the orphanage to send them a boy. Anne quickly charms Matthew who wants keep her even though she's not a boy, and she even convinces crusty Marilla to let her stay. Anne then spends her time being brilliant in school, letting her imagination run away with her, and getting into trouble. In this book she also becomes "bosom friends" with Diana Berry, and gets into a three year long spat with Gilbert Blythe, who she may also have a crush on.

My Thoughts: I first tried to read this book over the summer between second and third grade. I received the box set of the eight Anne of Avonlea books from my Aunt Squeezer when I was in the second grade, and throughout the year I would try to read the book. But then I kept getting side tracked by the wonders of Judy Blume (Poor Peter Hatcher! But why does he have to be so mean to Sheila?), Beverly Clearly (Why didn't she write more books about Beezus? Why is it always the younger sisters that get all the attention?), The Baby-Sitters Club, and Sweet Valley Twins. However on the family roadtrip to Denver, Colorado to visit my Uncle ArmyMan, Aunt DogLover, and cousins Deborah (who is going to graduate from college this year!) and BabySarah (now she's a senior in high school -- crazy!), I actually made quite a bit of progress in the book. Then came the scene that so offended me that when we were taking a day trip in Thermopolis, Wyoming, I slammed the book down on the dashboard of my Aunt Squeezer's Toyota truck in disgust. I was outraged that Diana's mother would not let Anne and Diana hang out anymore because Anne inadvertantly got Diana drunk at the tea party when Anne mistakenly gave Diana currant wine instead of raspberry cordial. I was so angry by the injustice of it all that I declared to my entire family that I was not going to read the rest of the book because of such unfairness. My ever patient mother said okay dear, now stop ranting and eat your lunch.

I wound up later watching both mini-series and enjoying them quite a bit. (This will be later discussed in Comfort me with movies!). Shy Violet was also slightly disconcerted that I had never read the books, though she was slightly appeased when I told her that I loved the movies. In college I did plan on reading Anne of Green Gables because I felt it was time to let my outrage go. But then the Claremont Library did not have the book. (I think my family finally gave away my unread boxed set.) They had all the Betsy-Tacy books because the author was from the city, but not one copy of Anne of Green Gables. Ridiculous! Does Claremont have something against Canadian authors? Anyway, it was weird, and so I never read it then either.

Then finally when I was in my first year of law school in BU, I finally found a copy of AofGG at a thrift store in Allston, and then I FINALLY read the book, and I loved it. Now when life gets frustrating I reread certain parts of it, such as The Story Club chapter when Anne and her friends form a creative writing club and write melodramatic stories much to the consternation of Marilla and the amusement of the local minister and his wife, and Diana's Great Aunt Josephine (the fact that Kevin Sullivan left this out of the first movie should have been a sign that he was going to do his best to destroy the series in his later movies! To me the third and fourth movies don't exist!) or the first day of school when Anne breaks the slate over Gilbert's head because he called her "carrots" (oh young love!).

However, I am still hesitant about reading the later books because by the end of this book Anne was getting to be a bit practically perfect. First in her class! Foresakes college to teach in Avonlea and run Green Gables! Grows into her looks and is now beautiful! Has become so mature and calm! So I think the later books may be a bit tedious since Anne is still the brightest creature in all the land, but now she has matured so much that she doesn't get into much trouble to balance it out. However, I can reread Anne's story about the tragic friendship of Cornelia and Geraldine and always feel better. However, whenever I reread I always skip the part when Marilla falsely accused Anne of losing her amythest broach. It's just too painful, and I cannot deal. At least I have been able to deal with Diana and Anne being forced to be apart for about twenty pages.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Classic Tween Shows (and by classic I mean from the year 2000) and Cheesy Music Videos

2009-02-14T20:36:00.000-08:00

One day I was musing to myself about my TV addiction and generally bad taste (when I really should be thinking about solutions to world problems), and I discovered that could not remember which cheesy shows I was addicted to in high school. I know I must have watched some, but I can't really remember what the shows were.

Then again, during high school, I was busy being a crazy overacheiver and demonstrating that I was "well rounded", so I could get into an excellent out-of-state college and get out of Ferndale. Getting out of Ferndale was my main goal during my high school years. So in high school I took seven A.P. classes my senior year (they were just introduced that year, so I couldn't really space them out, and I had to show colleges that I was a serious smarty pants), wrote scathing editorials for the high school newspaper -The Eagle Eye, participated in team sports even though my atheletic skills are laughable, acted in three high school musicals (I sometimes even got lines and solos!), acted in community murder mystery dinner theater productions (I played Rosie the dance-hall girl and possible murderess and I wore a heinous aqua dress), showed goats in 4-H, and I was a member of Knowledge Bowl, Model UN (I got a speaker award for being a very mouthy representative from Honduras on the UNDP), FBLA (1st place at regionals for Business Law and Economics), Human Relations Council, and heck I even participated in two Math Team Competitions for the extra credit (my poor showing at those demonstrated that after Calculus I, I had no future in math). Anyway, in high school I was Tracey Flick, so I probably did not have that much time for fickle entertainment. Looking back, I wonder why more people did not find me to be a tedious, goody-goody, know-it-all. Well...I'm sure many did, but I was pretty caught up in my goal of getting out of Ferndale, so I did not notice.

Despite this, I know I did watch Caitlin's Way on Nickelodeon whenever I could catch it on a Sunday night. Now, in this show Caitlin, a girl with issues, moves to Montana to live with distant relatives and tries to leave behind her bad-girl past and learn to trust again, and of course to do this she must move to the country and get a horse of her own. Of course, I was already too old for the show when it first aired, but I could not help myself. I remembered that I enjoyed this show, so of course I was overjoyed when I discovered that The-N was reairing episodes at 5 am. Thanks to DVR, I got addicted all over again.

Oh I love this show so! I cannot help but get sucked in to Caitlin's and her second season love interest Will's drama - where he encourages her to skip summer school, but then tutors her in math and they dance in the town diner. Edgy! A definite sign that Caitlin is reverting to her old ways. But then she feels he is "pulling her into his darkness" after they make a crop circle in Eric's (Caitlin's nemesis with whom she also feels chemistry!) dad's cornfield. Oh those crazy kids! Also many of residents of Fall River, Montana have Canadian accents. This must be a special part of Montana that I've never visited. Then there's the characters that randomly appear and disappear without explanation, Caitlin frequently running away, Griffin's (Caitlin's cousin) inane subplots, and Caitlin's really lame insults (she called snobby Taylor, Pinkahontas, yes Caitlin, I'm sure Taylor was so wounded by that one). But, still I'm genuinely touched when Caitlin begins to bond with and love her new family who does genuinely care about her, giddy when Caitlin and Will finally get beyond the crop circle of darkness and are get together in the finale, and feel the love-hate chemistry between Caitlin and Eric. Sadly the Caitlin-Eric-Will triangle is one of the few love triangles on TV where I have been genuinely conflicted about what the resolution should be, and it wasn't even that well developed. Though Caitlin's Way uses every single troubled teen moves to the country cliche; I am giddy when my DVR records a new episode.

Since I have been watching so much late night TV on The-N, I've also been catching the music videos that the channel airs during commercial breaks. Sadly, this means I've discovered Miranda Cosgrove's About You Now, and I actually like it, and when it pops up at the end of a Caitlin's Way episode, I'm actually happy to see it. Some of the lyrics of this masterpiece are "I was wrong, I was dumb, I let you down." Deep! Also, I really like Miranda's outfit during the mall frolicking and reminscing scenes. That pink and black checker print dress is adorable. I would not wear the knee socks, though, those are way too youthful. If I could find the dress though - I think I would consider buying it and wearing it. It turns out that Miranda is also the star of the latest Nickelodeon tween show sensation ICarly, but I at least have some standards and only watch older, more classic, tween shows.

Now, I must go and rewatch the episode where Caitlin faces her fears and goes to the eighth grade dance and makes new friends (who disappear in the next episode).

Los Veinticinco, well...Veintiseis

2009-02-14T20:05:00.000-08:00

The current craze on Facebook has been writing a list of 25 things about oneself and posting it as a note and tagging people. So of course, I posted it there and tagged people like I was supposed to. However, then I started thinking of my dear readers who don't have Facebook accounts, who will not get the opportunity to read these delightful facts about me, so I've posted them here as well. I'm such a giving person.

1. I had a horrifically traumatic and awful experience learning to drive and getting my driver's license. The first time I ever drove, I crashed through the fence in my front yard. I was told I was one of the top five worst drivers ever by my driver's ed teacher on my first class drive sophomore year. I had a heck of a time getting my drivers license. My driver's ed teacher loved telling following classes about my driving ineptitude. (He was an ass!) Because of this earlier humiliation, I still really don't like driving others around because I feel like they are judging me. I also never learned how to drive a stick shift because I never wanted to have to go through learning to drive again. I swear, though, that I am a decent driver.

2. I loved working at Camp Killoqua, and I worked there for four years and a few weeks during other summers. My favorite position there was working as the Unit Coordinator for Salishan, the unit of 9 - 11 year old girls. That age group is so much fun because they loved to do activities, and I always thought it was adorable that the girls loved singing their unit songs all around camp. That said, even though I never had a problem singing the Salishan songs, and of course I taught the girls the songs on the first day, my favorite camp unit songs were from Gypsy, the 9 - 11 year old boys. However, I could never be a counselor for Gypsy because my inner ten year old would always think - "OMG those boys are so immature!"

3. Speaking of camp, although I enjoy the work that I do as a lawyer now, I do sometimes wish I had deferred a year before I started law school to work the outdoor education season at camp (even though besides fire building, my outdoor living skills are slightly lacking), and then worked that summer as the UC of Salishan again. Also then I would have finally received my five year patch!

4. I HATED Twilight. HATED. I made it to page 70 before I slammed the book down in disgust. Bella was a smug, unlikeable wish-fulfillment device of the author, and Edward was a creepy, passive agressive stalker. Ugh! However, I'm sure I would have loved the book and thought it was so romantic when I was sixteen. I actually did enjoy the movie, though, since the director made Bella much more likeable, and Edward much less creepy. That said, I don't think that this book will utterly destroy the lives of the people that read it, and make them utterly incapable of having healthy relationships, like some other hyperbolic Twilight haters think.

5. I am disgusted by the fact that Chuck Bass, the two-time attempted rapist, is someone we are supposed to root for on Gossip Girl. Once the writers decided to make him more of a protaganist, which they decided before the pilot even aired, they should have just edited out the attempted rape scenes. After the episode where Blair slept with him, knowing that he did that, I was done with the show for good. As I've said before - it's offensive and it rips off daytime soap opera plot lines.

6. One day I hope to own a bulldog or bullmastiff. I want to name him Rufus.

7. I have the titles and teasers to a "cozy" mystery series saved on my computer. Someday I will actually start writing the books. However, when I was younger, I started writing many novels, but I never finished one. So we'll see how this goes.

8. Speaking of my writing career, when I was in sixth grade, I went on an RL Stein reading binge one weekend. Not Goosebumps, but the more "mature" young adult horror novels. This then inspired me to write horror stories for my sixth grade class newsletter - complete with gushing blood. When the teachers pulled the stories from the newsletter because of parent complaints, I cried about the cruel censorship of the newsletter. Then my teachers referred me to the school psychologist - who lied to me and told me she was meeting with everyone - which was so not true! But once I told the psychologist about my reading binge, she realized that I was just emulating a writing style and not actually deranged, so she never insisted on seeing me again.

9. I am still very close with my best friends from high school - Joooan! and RToo. And they always let me drag them to cheesy romantic comedies, though Joooan! always publically complains. I am so glad that we are still such close friends although we lead very different lives now. (Aww cheesy -- anyone want some crackers?)

10. I was cut from three high school sports teams - tennis, volleyball, and fastpitch. Luckily the swim team and the track team thought there was power in numbers, so I was never cut from those teams. Also, although I was cut from fastpitch, I went on to play on my law school slowpitch softball team (and I played second base, not right field!).

11. I have a very large head. During my year on the C-Team Fastpitch team, they had to special order me an XXL batting helmet.

12. I was the tallest person in my class until the fifth grade.

13. I was in 4-H throughout high school. I showed pygmy and dairy goats, and I was not very good. Yet for some reason, I figured this would be an interesting thing to talk about when I met people on my WOA trip at CMC. Of course then all my WOA tripmates thought I was quite urbane and sophisticated.

14. I twirl my hair when I get nervous.

15. I used to love to read, and I still love going to bookstores and libraries, but I find I am not reading as many books as I used to. This worries me.

16. When I go out and drink, I also want to do some activity -- compete in bar trivia, dance, play drinking games, play pool (though I'm embarrassingly terrible), or shoot darts.

17. I have wanted to be a lawyer ever since I was nine. However, I was not inspired by any great historical lawyers, I was inspired by Jessi Spano on "Saved By The Bell."

18. Sometimes I still dream about being a star of Broadway musicals.

19. When I was younger I wanted to be an Olympic Gymnast or Figure Skater. I even imagined how all the sports commentators would talk about my amazing rise to elite status even though I started training when I was nine or eleven respectively. Also, I was already 4'10" by the time I was nine, so sometimes my dreams could be a tad bit delusional.

20. I wrote my senior thesis in Spanish.

21. I never liked P.E., since I was never a great athelete. The only thing I excelled at was the sit and reach. 51 cm! Beat that jocks! (Sorry that I stole your idea Lucky!)

22. I tried out for cheerleading twice in high school. The first time I tried out, at the end of my individual cheer - my kicks were out of rhythm, so I yelled "oh crap." I was so shocked that I was mute during my closing rally. Needless to say, I did not make the team. I didn't make the team the next year either, probably for "whooping" during the rally, which is not the cheerleader way!

23. I was nominated for Prom Queen my senior year of college. Yes, my college had a prom themed party. But then I skipped that prom to go to Coachella. And Jeff Simonetti beat me for the Prom Queen title anyway.

24. I have been sunburned every summer of my life that I can remember.

25. I've studied Spanish since the eighth grade, but I still can't roll my Rs, unless I'm speaking very, very quickly.

26. I still have a stuffed rabbit named Bosley that I've had since my first Easter.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List: The Early Years

2008-12-30T16:42:00.000-08:00

Sadly I had a deprived childhood. Despite my warm loving family, inspirational speeches, stylish back to school wardrobe, and lack of curfew during my teenage years (however I was the perennial good girl, I stayed out late because I was hanging out with Joooan!, RToo, and Weather Girl and playing Trivial Pursuit), I always felt that something was missing. That something was a subscription to the Disney Channel.

When I was very young, and my family still lived in the booming metropolis of Concord, California; we did have the Disney Channel Subscription, and I lived for Kids Incorporated. So when we finally moved to Washington state, I was heartbroken when my cruel, cruel parents refused to subscribe again. So that means I lived, lived for the Winter and Spring Preview weekends, where I would watch all the great shows that I could not watch normally. And I was addicted to both Kids Incorporated and The New Mickey Mouse Club (or MMC).

Some of my earliest TV memories are watching Kids Incorporated, and when I was three and four Martika (she later went on to sing Toy Soldiers) was my favorite. Here's the intro: behold the fabulous Martika applying blush and Fergie (yes, the little blonde Stacy Ferguson playing jacks grew up to be the infamous Fergie) before she had any street cred. Also for more interesting, and probably well known by now, trivia -- Renee and Stacy were in the short lived group Wild Orchid together. Ahh the bonds of Kids Incorporated.

I'm not going to lie - the theme song is still damn catchy. And I still maintain that the seasons from 1985 - 1989 were the best (they rerunned those seasons all the time). Jennifer Love Hewitt and Eric Balfour could not compare. See what I mean?

Amazingly Eric's character, named Eric, did not die, and Kids Incorporated went on for two more seasons.

Anyway, during preview weekends, I also discovered the wonders of the MMC. Now the media made a big ole hoopla about J.C., Britney, Christina, Justin, Keri Russell, and Ryan Gosling being Musketeers, but I was there from the beginning when Tiffini was the coolest and when they formed the rockin band The Party. Jennifer and Lindsey were my favorites from the show, and they were on all seven seasons, so whenever preview weekend came it was always comforting to know they were still there.

However, I had totally forgotten about Video Jam! If you had thought that early 1990s power ballad videos were too gritty, edgy, and inappropriate - no worries, the MMC was there for you with the cheesiest, most sanitized videos ever - safe for even the most sheltered of youth. Here are my favorites!

Watch a bunch of MMC hotties frolicking in open fields covering Toad the Wet Sprocket.

There's frolicking, twirling and rainbows! Draw your own conclusions.

And Disney even thought Amy Grant was too edgy for its audience and needed to be more innocent. And what's more innocent than flirting on bicycles?

I would have coveted Terra's purple leggings when I was ten.

So thank you You Tube for allowing me to relive my childhood. And I don't even need a Disney Channel subscription (though now it is included on extended basic cable on Comcast). However, Disney Channel does not show these gems anymore. Hannah Montana does not compare.

Gauche and Unsophisticated Potpurri

2008-12-05T18:14:00.000-08:00

Oh, I have sunk to new lows during the past few weeks. Let's just get to it, shall we?

Good Thing I'm Not a Celebrity:
Otherwise my picture would be posted on Go Fug Yourself....
After lamenting the rise of the leggings since 2006, I finally succumbed and bought two pairs (brown and black, depending on what I want my outfit's neutral to be). I'm so ashamed!

Back when I was in elementary school I lived in leggings. I had a fun lace trimmed pair in second grade. In third grade I was all about the paisley and floral prints. In the fifth grade I discovered the wonderful plaid. Finally in sixth grade, I discovered the wonders of solids. In fact I was sad when the middle school dress code stated no spandex, and my mom told me, I would not be wearing leggings. Thanks Mom for saving me from middle school fashion humiliation. (Instead I started wearing overalls, and I had the hottest red Mickey Mouse sweatshirt - I was the envy of all of Vista Middle School). However after sixth grade, I realized that leggings were such a bad idea.

When leggings returned to the scene, I was appalled. I did not want to relive my horrible fashion moments. However then I found three very cute sweater dresses and one cute sundress, with very flattering necklines, but they were a wee bit short. Hence the leggings. However, I will only wear them with said dresses, and not with tunic tops, oversized t-shirts, or even regular sized t-shirts like a BU undergrad, and brown and black will be the only two colors I ever own. There will be no paisley, plaid, lace trim or flowers. I mean it! Nope!

Hopefully Heather and Jessica will forgive me!

Helen Hunt's Best Movie Role Ever:
I wish I could be Lynn Stone...
When I was at Target about two weeks ago, I found the dance epic Girls Just Wanna Have Fun on sale for $5. This 80's movie starred Sarah Jessica Parker, as a Catholic school girl who loves to dance and just wants to star on Dance TV; Lee Montgomery, as her 5'5" "rebel" dance partner in the dance contest (though he is slightly more threatening that Adrien Zmed); Shannen Doherty, as his little sister who tries to be more grown up by dressing "punk," and Jonathan Silverman, as "the rebel's" dorky best friend with a budding career in selling knock-off goods. But the best character was Helen Hunt as Lynn Stone, who created awesome fashion creations out of her Catholic School uniform, sang Calypso music in choir so SJP could sneak out to dance practice with Pocket Rebel, and had the brilliant idea of inviting a bunch of punks and outcasts to evil, rich girl's debutante party. I haven't like Helen Hunt as much in any other roles she's ever played. Lynn Stone is the best, and honestly if the movie was about her and her exploits, the movie would have been much more entertaining, though I do love the movie so.

Seriously, though, this movie was so low budget that they did not even use Cyndi Lauper's "Girl's Just Wanna Have Fun" for the soundtrack, instead it's a terrible cover with shouting "hey, hey!" and clapping. The plotline is so incredibly cliched with good girl discovers herself through dance and brings around her strict parents, while falling in love with a not-very-threatening rebel. Then this team of opposites wins the dance competition with their tumbling passes and backflips (that's where Neil from So You Think You Can Dance got his solo strategy!) and find love. However, I must say that SJP's character here in this movie is much, much, MUCH more tolerable than Carrie from Sex and the City.

One Tree Hill is influencing my music choices
Like many of my favorites songs during the summer months, I always enjoy the exit song from So You Think You Can Dance. This past season it was, "It's Only Life" by Kate Vogele. This song also was frequently used in numerous movie trailers (and I also enjoy the pop music used in movie trailers as well - what can I say? I'm plebian). Anyway, so I finally bought her CD. Then I learned that she played a character on One Tree Hill. It was a small point of pride for me that I never watched OTH (hey let me cling to small claims to having decent taste in very few situations), yet here I am indirectly supporting one of their stars. Sigh...

Tis the Season...
One of my favorite things about December is the great number of cheesy Christmas movies. If the movie is a Christmas Carol remake/modernization/retelling, the main character discovers the importance of family/small towns, the main character finds true love with the small town boy she loved many years ago, or the son or daughter of Santa Claus discovers the true meaning of Christmas, then I will be sitting in front of the TV on my couch with my feet on the coffee table, with a cup of hot chocolate.

Speaking of Cheesy Movies....
Many people watch Lifetime Women In Peril movies as guilty pleasures. But I take those movies way too seriously and cannot deal. However, I do love their romantic comedies. I cheered on Tara from BTVS when she decided to do the 7 things on her list (that she wrote when she was 12) before she turned 30, and of course this led to self-discovery, true love, a fulfilling job, and a wedding. I quite enjoyed Janeane Garafolo's road trip with her mom's dog which led her to figure out all her commitment issues. Of course, by watching these movies I keep Canadian movie production companies in business, and since I grew up in Whatcom County which is right on the border with Canada, I'm really indirecing supporting the Whatcom County economy. Plus, Degrassi guest stars always seem to be in them, so it always exciting to see pervy Mr. Oleander as a romantic lead who loves Tara just the way she is, or Tracker, Sean's responsible, yet troubled brother, as Janeane's one true love. (Yes, I realize I need to let Degrassi go already, but I did love that show once!)

Until next time...

Blog Personality Test

2008-11-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

My friend Patti, with whom I spent my middle school and high school years debating about many social issues of the day - including a rolicking debate about school vouchers at KeeleyMarie's 17th's birthday party (however we both hate novels about tedious suburban angst), has linked to the Typealyzer on her blog. Supposedly, this program reads your blog and tells you what Myers-Briggs Personality Type you are. Since, I'm such a woman of mystery, and all you dear readers have NO IDEA what I'm like, I sure you'll find the results fascinating.

ISFP - The Artists

The gentle and compassionate type. They are especially attuned their inner values and what other people need. They are not friends of many words and tend to take the worries of the world on their shoulders. They tend to follow the path of least resistance and have to look out not to be taken advantage of.

They often prefer working quietly, behind the scene as a part of a team. They tend to value their friends and family above what they do for a living.

One would think that with all my whining about college hippies and Barbara Kingsolver novels, the computer would have found me to be more judging rather than perceiving, and I don't think I'm particularly quiet. Also who knew that overuse of the word totally, blatant reference to the reading audience, and comma splices would be signals for gentility and compassion?

Maybe not so apathetic after all...

2008-11-06T20:28:00.000-08:00

I may have been apathetic all election season, but when I watched the election coverage on Tuesday and found out that Obama won Ohio, I did herky jumps in my living room that totally would have put me on the FHS cheerleading squad back in high school. And I cheered obnoxiously. My poor downstairs neighbors.

However, boo California, boo! Unfortunately, I think many of my family members in California (the ones that called me a Communist when they found I was a Democrat and the ones that think I'm a heathen for swearing during the annual Thanksgiving Poker Game - I really should never play poker against my relatives - they're ruthless) may have contributed to the success of Proposition 8. And since I'm no longer in California, I can't lecture them about it during Thanksgiving at Grandma's.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: More Bad TV!

2008-11-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

After the three week hiatus, 90210 is now losing its luster. When will the showrunners realize that Annie, Ethan, and Naomi are not that interesting, and stop writing episodes that focus on their tedious love triangle? Argh...even bad TV should at least focus on the more interesting characters!

That said...I am addicted to two more reality TV shows. These shows appeal to my love of "try-out" competition shows.

Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders: Making the Team: This show really should offend everything I stand for. "Young ladies" try out for the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders squad where they have the honor of being paid $50 per game and wearing heinous puffy sleeved blouses. The director Kelli McGonigall Finglass pokes at the auditionee's non-existent fat and very seriously says that if they don't look right in the uniform they will be cut. The fitness director lectures the girls that their body fat percentage must be between 11-15%, which is about the equivelent BF % of marathon runners. These poor women have to do ridiculous fitness challenges, get make overs with big Texas hair, get humiliated during "etiquette training," get publicly lectured by the sanctimonious Kelli and choreographer Judy, and go through all this agony while smiling, except when they are hysterically crying when they get cut. Yet, I have watched every season, and I am even happy for the poor girls when they finally do make the squad.

Scream Queens: In this VH-1 show, 10 struggling actresses are all vying for a "break out role" in Saw 6. So far they have had to seductively eat fruit, get attacked by a snake while in the bath-tub, get chased by a doll, and pose for ridiculously titled movie posters. Of course along with the ridiculous challenges that are supposed to show that they are prepared to be leading ladies, there is the requiste sniping, crying, and bitchy confessionals. Of course I have my favorites! I am rooting for either Lindsay, the former child star (she was Caitlin on "Caitlin's Way" and I loved that show), Tanedra, who has had no formal training, or Sarah, the talented yet "ugly" one. Of course my favorites never win. I am still bitter that stealth bitch Bailey beat awesome Autumn on Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods, so now I am incredibly happy that the show did nothing for the musical's sagging ticket sales and it wound up closing. But I sincerely hope that Lindsay, Tanedra, and Sarah will at least get some exposure from this show and be cast as characters with actual names in either movies or TV .

Why do I get so invested in stupid TV? Why?

Bad Liberal List: Election 2008! Where I was apathetic, but judgmental.

2008-11-01T18:10:00.001-07:00

So this election season, both during the primaries and the general election, I felt nothing but apathy. Which is odd. And my inner teenager would be very, very ashamed of me right now.

Before I could legally vote, I loved politics and was fascinated by the presidents. Sis RoyalTurkey and I made up a game, called the President's Initial Game when we were about seven and eight respectively. She would turn to the Presidents section of our 1984 Funk and Wagnell's Encyclopedia and then give me a president's inititals and then I would guess who that president was! It was very exciting I tell you. During the 1992 Presidential election, I loved the Presidents unit in the fourth grade, and I learned many, many facts and myths about them. I was super excited about the collected biographies of Presidents and First Ladies that I received in the fifth grade for my eleventh birthday. I lectured my elementary school classmates about many political issues that I had very little knowledge about. I was heartbroken in 1996 when the Republicans took back Congress (ugh!), and I ranted and raved for days about Rick White beating Maria Cantwell for her House of Representatives seat (even though she was not in my district!). My senior year of high school, I so wanted to vote, even though my birthday was on Inauguration Day and therefore I would not be old enough to vote in the 2000 election. I threatened to move to France if Dubya got elected. My mother told me to calm down and stop exaggerating, and my AP Government teacher Ms. Kubic suggested that Finland might be a better option since they have an excellent socialized medicine program.

Then I went to college, and the obsession continued. I went to CMC because the school was proud of its Government program. I loved my U.S. President Class, not only because I learned many interesting things about Presidential history and political strategy, but also because now I am able to list all of the presidents in order (except I can never remember the 11th president). In that class, after learning about the Reagan backlash in 1986, I wished I had stronger political memories of 1986 so I could remember the Borking and general Democratic Congressional Dominance. (All I actually remember about 1986 was that I played with Barbies, started preschool, and bobbed for apples and unsuccessfully tried to hit a pinata at one of my many cousins' birthday parties back when I lived in California.) I stayed at the Ath for four hours with a bunch of my college classmates as we watched the 2004 election returns come in, and then I paced around my college apartment ranting and raving about those returns. All-in-all, I was a your garden variety political dork, surrounded by many others at good ole CMC. In fact I was one of the less politically active - since I was not an active member of the Claremont Democrats, I did not phone bank, and I did not prescinct walk. Maybe that was a sign of thing to come.

Here's a list of my shameful behavior and thoughts this election season:

I did not vote in the Democratic Primary. For some reason after I moved to Boston, I never got around to registering to vote in my district. Shameful, lazy, a disgrace to CMC grads everywhere, I know! Further, I did not have a strong opinion one way or the other about Obama or Clinton. They both had similar voting records and experience in the Senate. Also, for all of the hoopla about Obama being against the war in Iraq, once he got to the Senate he certainly voted for many of Bush's reccommended National Security bills including the renewal of the Patriot Act, just like Clinton! So really, we had two rather moderate democrats who had more charisma than past Democratic primary candidates. Further, the complaints about Clinton's "electibility" rubbed me the wrong way. The gist of the argument seemed to be that many people thought Clinton was a bitch and that was the reason they did not vote for her, and nobody would be saying that if a man had Clinton's personality. Also, I had no problem with Clinton fighting the primary as long as she did. The vote was pretty damn close, and I would have fought too. But that said, I was not really amazed by Clinton or Obama, and I could not decide.

I did not watch political coverage during the primary. This was supposedly one of the most heated primaries of all time, and I did not particularly care. What will I tell my grandchildren?

I did not watch the political conventions. In the battle between watching self-congratulatory fanfare of both parties and bad summer television, bad summer television won.

I did not watch one political debate. Then again, I always hated watching political debates, even back when I was a budding political wonk in elementary and middle school. The debates always seemed to be repetition of the same points, and then whining about small things, such as the hoopla over Bill Clinton not calling Bush 1, Mr. President, during the 1992 debates, during the 1996 debates. Also, by the time the primary season was over, I already knew I was going to be voting for Obama, so what was the point of watching? Especially since Project Runway was airing at the same time.

Both parties pandered to the public with their VP choices. And pandering has been a political strategy for centuries, so I did not understand the outcry.
When Sarah Palin was announced as John McCain's running-mate, many people in the media and bloggers ranted about how the Republicans were pandering to the moderate women who were upset that Clinton was not picked as Obama's running mate. First of all, of course they were pandering to people, politicians do that all the time. However, it was not a very effective pander, since Sarah Palin ran counter to all of John McCain's campaign slogans of being an experienced maverick. Since McCain is the oldest or one of the older presidential candidates of all time, I thought it might be a good idea to have a more moderate running mate, since many are afraid he'll die and might worry about a more conservative VP becoming President, and there is no major conservative third party threat. But he did not do that. He actually had a shot of getting the moderate vote before naming his running mate, but he certainly shot that all to hell. And managed to aliente some of the elites in his own party. Good going!

However Democrats pandered too! Their pick of Joe Biden basically reassured their more traditional base and some moderates, that not to worry, the Democrats have an old white man on their Presidential team too! I also thought that it definitely proved that Obama was going to pick Edwards before he got caught with pants down. Therefore, he had to go with the second best old white man who suffers from both asshole tone (more traditionally known as having a condescending, defensive tone of voice or sounding like a prick) and foot-in-mouth disease.

But, although I was apathetic, yet judgmental, all election season. I finally registered to vote here in good ole Central Illinois, and I will be voting for Obama at the B-N YMCA on Tuesday. Happy voting everyone! Avoid hanging and dimpled chads! Goodness, I was so apathetic this election season, I'm even using dated voting jokes. Sigh....

P.S. Since I'm getting political anyway: If you are registered to vote in California please vote "No" on Proposition 8 on Tuesday. There are good conservative and liberal arguments against it, so there's even a rationale for everyone! Everyone should have a right to get married to the person they choose and should have those benefits of being a married couple in the eyes of the law.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Redemption and New Lows

2008-10-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

So I disappeared again, and I really have no excuse, since I spent the last month or so lounging around and having my mom do my laundry. However, now I am an officially an adult and an actual lawyer (weird!) with my own one-bedroom apartment in the midwest and an actual job with a contract that is longer than the summer. Since I have only worked two days at the grown up job, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about this adulthood stuff yet.

Enough about my real life though, time for more confessions about my tragically bad taste.

First some good news!
After the horrible Mr. Boston bullying debacle I did not watch another episode of "I Love Money." Okay, so I watched about 15 minutes of the next episode. However, I found that after the bar exam that these contestants were awful, horrible, no good little twerps, and I could not root for any of them. Plus, a show watching them do nothing but form alliances and hissy fits, is dull. Yay, I have some standards! They may be low, but they are still there!

Now, the bad....
Since I had quit watching Degrassi: The Next Generation and Gossip Girl I had not been watching any cheesy teen dramas or teen dramas that rip off plot lines from 1970s storylines of Soap Operas . Then came the new, hip 90210 (because putting the city name in front of the zip code is so 1990s).

When I was in the fourth and fifth grade, I loved Beverly Hills 90210. My mom refused to let me watch the show until halfway through the fourth grade, but then I was hooked. I was glued in front of my tv set during the "Donna Martin Graduates" rally in season three. I was honestly concerned that Donna Martin would not be able to graduate because of her drunken shenanigans at prom, and I thought the school board was being totally unfair!

However, my favorite character on that show was Brenda. I thought she and Dylan were the best couple ever. When my friend LV and I would discuss 90210 in Mrs. Scheck's fourth grade class (right before Mrs. Scheck sent me to the quiet corner for being too chatty), he would always rant about what a bitch Kelly Taylor was for stealing Dylan away from Brenda and that if Brenda was able to go to Dylan's party, Dylan would have chosen her. After gently admonishing LV about swearing in class, I would agree with his general sentiment. (Somehow though, I was still shocked, SHOCKED I tell you, when LV came out senior year of high school. Sadly, I did not hone my oversensitive gaydar until college.) And in the season 4 finale when Brenda and Dylan kissed before she went to London, I was giddy. Of course then Brenda never came back and the writers decided that Kelly and Dylan were soulmates and the show got lame. So halfway through season 5, I gave it up. I think it was the first guilty pleasure show that I quit watching. Valerie would never live up to Brenda!

When I first heard about this spin off, I did not care one bit. Kelly Taylor as the guidance counselor? Lame! What was she going to do? Teach students how to steal their best friends boyfriends while being condescending and sanctimonious? However, then the showrunners managed to get Shannen Doherty, the awesome Brenda!, to return and then I was in.

I have watched every single poorly written episode. Objectively this show is not good. The interesting storylines move too fast (i.e. Silver, Kelly Taylor's much cooler sister, dealing with her mother's, Jackie Taylor - fashion show cokehead!, alcoholism). The really tedious, annoying storylines drag (i.e. Naomi, supposedly the bitch, tries to save her parents marriage and scrunches her face to show she has layers!). The lead female character, Annie Wilson, is such a "Mary Sue" (seriously students were applauding her in the hallway) and really needs some flaws and for other characters to call her on her crap already.

Somehow though I am invested already. I love Dixon and Silver! They are the new Brenda and Dylan. They are so flirty, and cute, and Dixon punched out the sleazy, inappropriate agent that was hitting on Silver, and Silver called out Dixon for presuming that making out would lead to sex. Hopefully the writers don't screw this up.

Also Brenda is back and was so-o past the high school drama, even when I thought she totally should have called Kelly on her crap in the last episode. It was glorious when she told boy toy teacher that he dodged a huge bullet by not having a relationship with Kelly, and then flounced off with him. Glorious!

I actually even like most of the new characters on this show, even Annie has her moments. If the writers would have Ethan the cardboard, yet sensitive, jock stop mooning over Annie and their summer relationship from two years ago, and give him storylines about dealing with his autistic brother and school and sports and balancing it all, then he would even be interesting. However, there is no hope for Naomi, and she should just be sent to boarding school.

Despite this, I faithfully DVR the show every Tuesday, and then watch it after Greek, so I can fast forward through all the commercials and Naomi's scenes.

At least I have a new teen show to watch, but knowing my track record with teen shows, my relationship with 90210 will probably only last about two seasons. Of course by then I will have fallen in love with another cheesy show that I will blog about.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Studying for the Bar Made Me Do Bad, Bad Things.

2008-07-04T18:13:00.001-07:00

The reason this entry is dated July 4, is because I began typing a post about my new lows on that date. But then studying for the bar took up all of my time and I never finished the entry. So now here's an ultra long entry which contains those thoughts from so long ago as well as my bar agony.

So, I disappeared for awhile. Because the Massachusetts Bar Exam sucks...a lot. Now I know that all of the people that took bar exams that are actually considered difficult like NY and California feel no sympathy, but at least in those states you can use a laptop for the essays. I had to numb my horrific handcramps after the essay day (don't worry it was after MBE day - I was done) with Long Islands, White Zin, and drunken consumption of sushi. It was glorious. And hopefully I passed the bar, my fingers are crossed that the rumor that Massachusetts is actually Passachusetts is true, because I don't want to go through that agony ever, ever again.

Now I will be back in Washington for awhile, starting on August 5. I don't have a job yet, so I figured now would be a good time to visit, and I can do phone interviews just as easily at home with free groceries and laundry, instead of in my apartment in Boston where I actually have to pay for those things. During this trip I will be dragging poor Joooan! and RToo to Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 (at least RToo claims she wants to see that movie). So if I have any loyal readers left, and I know you, and you're going to be in Washington (state not DC!) too, we should get together!

However because studying for the bar was miserable that means my poor brain could not handle any other intellectual materials. I had to memorize the rules of priority for secured transactions, my brain had less space for deep symbolic messages and capability of interpreting great art than usual, and that means that the music I listened to and the TV I watched was worse than usual. Since you've been reading the blog this long, however, I doubt anything should surprise you anymore.

I could not resist the bad 1990s music:
Now I posted earlier about the tragic car break-in of summer 2004 where the inept robber cut my turn signals and stole all my CDs including "Let Go" by Avril Lavigne, and of course I was inordinately sad about this, as well as ashamed. However, in my earlier blogging days I thought I should maintain a sense of decorum and only confess my more palatable guilty pleasures, I did not mention that I was also upset that the inept thief also stole my "Runaway Horses" CD by Belinda Carlisle. Yes, the Belinda Carlisle, former lead singer of the Go-Gos. Yet, this was not ever-so-slightly punk Belinda Carlisle who had a spiky haircut, and was involved in 1980s scandal like doing coke and having unprotected sex, so at least back then she had some bad girl cachet (though remember drugs and unprotected sex are bad!). This was 1990s Belinda Carlisle, who sang cheesy power ballad esque lovesongs, and had a mom bob. By the time she released "Runaway Horses" she was happily married and wearing floaty dresses like the kind my mom was purchasing at the time. I was not listening to Top-40 Belinda, but Adult Contemporary Belinda.

I was too ashamed to purchase the CD again because I was afraid of the mockery I would face at Cellophane Square - used music store and hipster central of Whatcom County. My Aunt Squeezer originally gave me Runaway Horses along with many of her other CDs when she started listening to Christian contemporary music exclusively. When I was studying for the bar exam though, I missed those songs, especially the tragic song "Summer Rain." So I went on to You Tube, and watched the music videos. So cheesy, so nineties, so oddly comforting. And now you too can see the floaty dresses and mom bob in action.

Now in case that did not appall you enough, I also listened to Place in the World by Michael W. Smith numerous times. Michael W. Smith was one of the Christian contemporary singers of the 1990s, and Place in this World was his crossover hit. My Aunt Squeezer loves him! However, Michael W. Smith is not hip. My intervarsity friends in college most certainly did not listen to Michael W. Smith. They listened to the hipper, slightly less preachy groups like Caedmon's Call and Jars of Clay. This song is on Time Life compilations where in the commercials the audience has their hands in the air and are swaying back and forth with their eyes closed! But somehow, I could not resist the siren's call.

Well, I guess you should all be slightly reassured that I did not actually by this music, but only watched on You Tube.

TV shows which may be the newest low in entertainment? I'll watch!
I also discussed earlier that I cannot resist TV shows that have competitions and obstacle courses. So of course I've watched Wipeout since the premiere. Do I care that not one person can complete the course without falling into the water or mud? Nope! Do I giggle insanely when the contestants fall off the Sucker Punch Wall and the Big Balls and when the Johns make mocking comments. Yes! Would I also try the courses if my run through them was not aired on national television. Yes! Sigh...

This is not the worst of it. Oh no, I also began watching I Love Money on VH-1. Now, I don't really watch dating reality shows. I pity all involved, and just think they are sleazy. However, now that the famewhores from I Love New York, Flava of Love, and Rock of Love aren't humiliating themselves for the love of has beens or fellow famewhores, but rather in humiliating competitions for money, of course I'll watch. (Aww hypocrisy...ain't it fun!) But even I drew the line during last week's episode when Whiteboy and Chance were mercilessly bullying Mr. Boston, so I quit watching that episode. However I will watch tonight's episode. Also I sincerely want chronic martyr and wacky laugher Rodeo to win so she can launch her BBQ sauce business and take her son to Disney World. Good lord, what is my problem?

Despite the fact that now you all know that my taste has reached new lows, I expect that you still will want to see me when I'm home.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Where I Earn the Scorn of All English Majors and Professors, Bluestockings, and Book Critics

2008-06-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

Now, I love to read. I've even been known to read decent books on occassion - I highly recommend The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, and I swear at some point I will finish Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. However, there is one whole genre of novels I cannot stand, and that is novels about Suburban Lives of Quiet Desperation. Here's a few examples: Empire Falls, A Spot of Bother, The Corrections. I hate them, and find them pretentious yet dull.
"But why, Miss Royalturkey?" you ask, "Such novels reflect gritty realism, and they're so edgy." Well dear readers, I don't find them edgy, and all that "grit" is so damn repetitive. Here's a list of tedious plot elements:
* Middle aged man suffers crisis, or has some small life decision to make that takes at least three hundred pages for him to decide
* Said middle aged man is so distant from his wife or significant other and the couple can no longer relate to each other
* Wife is having an affair because distant, minor crisis ridden husband no longer relates to her because they have been married for thirty years, and husband has worked outside the home for the entire time they have been married, and the wife was supposed to be submissive, so she never told him what she wants. Of course during this affair she finally has an orgasm for the first time in her life.
* Quietly dysfunctional couple also has quiet dysfunctional relationships with their children.
* Characters may have a hobby, but they don't really enjoy said hobbies, they just do them because it has become so tragically routine.
* Characters contemplate their bodily functions and/or genitalia, so authors can prove how "edgy" they are.
* Lots of cursing! Because edgy!
* Lots of long supposedly creative metaphors, which may involve discussion of genitalia or bodily functions (a two-fer)

Now I don't mind repetitive plot points. I'm always a sucker for quirky characters and wacky hijinks, but these plot points are so dull. I don't need all plot points in books to be huge or momentous, but these books never even depict the simplicity or every day routines of these characters lives in an interesting way, so I am just bored. I realize that everyday life is not that exciting. But if you insist on writing about everyday life, authors, you still have to make me care. However the authors of these books never do.

Further, the authors think it is enough to explain what is going on these characters lives, but they never really give me a reason to care about these characters. These characters are merely stock types that are really not that different from one book to another, their minor crises are just a bit different. Further, not only are they stock characters (because two-dimensional wacky characters still amuse me), these characters are miserable, and the only other character trait besides being miserable is that they are unable to communicate with those they love. I don't want to read at least three hundred, if not four hundred, pages of characters being miserable and unable to communicate and therefore becoming more miserable. These characters are just as two dimensional as their more entertaining counterparts (The wacky grandma! The nosy neighbors! The overly intrusive family! ), and even worse they are not even entertaining or interesting.

I really do not understand why these books garner such acclaim. Is it really that interesting that authors use the words fuck and penis, write overly involved metaphors, and explain the everyday minutiae of life in a step by step way? Is it supposed to be innovative that not one character is happy or at least has some interesting character traits? I hope not.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List: Guilty Pleasures Update

2008-06-17T12:07:00.000-07:00

Just in case you were all concerned that bar studying has prevented my ability to consume large amounts of fickle entertainment, have no fear. My viewing habits continue to be shallow and fickle and here's an update!

Movies:
Now I'm sure, my many loyal readers (just let me have my delusions of blogging grandeur, okay?) have been wondering why I have not described my movie guilty pleasures with many tangential anecdotes, and that is because my movie guilty pleasures are really too numerous to list. Let's just say if it is a cheesy romantic comedy, where the leads have excellent chemistry, and there are many two dimensionally quirky supporting characters - I will probably love it. Here's a few examples - While You Were Sleeping, Miss Congeniality, The Wedding Singer, and The Cutting Edge (only first one though - not the sequels - I have some standards). Also I frequently rewatch cheesy teen movies - Can't Hardly Wait, 10 Things I Hate About You (when I was 16 I watched this six times in one weekend - and still watch it more than once a year), Bring It On (again, only the first one), and Drive Me Crazy (Adrien Grenier is so-o dreamy). This is just the tip of the iceburg though, I have enjoyed many a cheesy movie, over and over again.

Somehow my close high school friends, Joooooan!, RToo, and Weather Girl, who did not care for these movies at all, still patiently went with me, and even smiled and nodded when I extolled the fact that our little foursome was similar to group of friends in Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya Sisterhood without the abusive childhoods, tragic deaths, and alcoholism. And I'm still grateful that RToo did not smack me once when I started asking if the first Lord of the Rings movie was going to end soon at the hour and a half mark.

Television:
What is summer without more bad television shows to watch? Though I am supposed to be studying for the bar, I do love many summer television shows. Of course I am watching So You Think You Can Dance and The Mole, but here's a few more that are slightly less justifiable.

Legally Blonde The Musical: The Search for Elle Woods:
The title really does say it all, but here's a brief synopsis - this is a reality show that is casting for next girl to be Elle Woods in Legally Blonde the Musical. Ten young women from ages 18 - 28 live in a house and go through "Broadway Bootcamp" (singing, dancing, scenes), and one of them will learn so much from the experience that she will be picked for the part. Now I was very involved with high school and community theater back home. I portrayed such deep and evocative roles as Wife #4 in the King and I, Scottish Girl with Solo in Brigadoon, and Rosie the Dance Hall Girl in the Annual Ferndale Heritage Society Murder Mystery in the Park fundraiser. Sadly my biggest role was when I was Captain Hook in my elementary school production of Peter Pan when I was in the sixth grade. Once I hit college I was quite involved with the musical theater club. Despite this involvement, I never learned to harmonize, improvise (I suck at the game Freeze) or pick up choreography, so sadly I will never be a Broadway star.

However, I have done my fair share of auditions and know plenty of theater people, so this show just amuses me. The singing, the choreography, the cold reads and overemoting for the stage, the frustration when someone who is weaker than you gets praised and you get criticized - I love it all and remember the agony. Though the process is drawn out, the presentations in front of the judges are similar to an audition, though we never got feedback. Also, I firmly believe that theater people should never live together, and they have all ten hopefuls living together in the same house, so of course there's plenty of drama and fighting. Along with sniping, I quite enjoy self righteously criticizing the performances - She was flat! She is phony! She is using the wrong tone in her line reading! She is behind on her choreography! Half of these auditioners are too young for the part! Though I have no skills, I still love to judge. Of course I am overinvested in this series and if either Autumn or Natalie don't win, I will be very disappointed.

American Gladiators:
I have mentioned before that when I was younger, I loved the original American Gladiators. When the new series came out, at first I thought that it would not compare to the cheesy fantasticness of the old series, and I was appalled that there weren't more burly women. (Come on, Gladiators are supposed to be intimidating, Venom is not intimidating - Ice could totally snap her like a twig!) That said, I have become addicted to the new series as well - Wolf and Titan's antics amuse me, Justice is so strong yet so sweet and such a good sport, and I am impressed by Crush's joust skills - still undefeated! However, that said, I have to watch this show recorded on DVR, because this show has way too many contestant interviews and Hulk blather, I just watch it for the wacky events and Gladiator posturing. Also on DVR, I can watch the entire show in 25 minutes.

Also, I am looking forward to the premiere of Wipeout on ABC in a few weeks. I already love the wacky obstacles courses and events on both American Gladiators and Ninja Warrior, so why not add one more show with those elements?

Of course these are only the cheesiest shows of the cheesy - there are some marginally good shows that I've also watched frequently including Bones (but not the finale - slight spoiler coming, I can handle most things except for character assassination - poor Zach!), Greek (will Casey stand up to Rebecca already? Sheesh!), The Middleman (rapid fire dialogue and meta references make the show slightly intelligent, right?), and Army Wives (Affairs! Surrogacy for money! Child against Parent domestic violence! Melodramatic high school relationships! Two hostage situations! And all in the first season, who knows what the second season will bring?).

All right back to bar studying. Ugh!

If I wind up failing the bar, this is why - others who share my literary guilt

2008-05-29T12:09:00.001-07:00

I'm not the only one who loved The Babysitters' Club and Sweet Valley High throughout my early adolescence. Enjoy! Especially if you are taking the Massachusetts bar in July (mua-ha-ha).

Also Heather and Jessica from Go Fug Yourself also have individual blogs.

Oh internet, why must you be so tempting and evil?

Now two days later I also found a blog mocking Lurlene McDaniel books (you know the books where beautiful, yet terminally ill, thin girls find love and die).

How am I ever going to focus on common law and Massachusetts distinctions when I can read snark about Claudia's outfits, Lila's bitchery, and tragic love?

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: I am so middle-American

2008-04-19T16:16:00.000-07:00

Now when I was an angsty adolescent back in Ferndale, I longed for the day when I would escape to the wonders of college where of course I would protest, participate in open mike nights, engage in wonderfully intellectual discussions, and such.

Well...that did not happen, I found I really wasn't confrontational enough for protesting in college and I was unimpressed by the pseudo hippies at my school. College hippies annoyed me, in fact. Here were my thoughts on college hippies: oh for Pete's sake, freshman year you were waltzing about in tight, expensive outfits, and you insisted on washing your hair two days into the WOA (outdoor orientation) trip, possibly polluting the lake we were swimming in, and now all of a sudden you're wearing hemp - please! What - college a time for self discovery? Nonsense! As you see, I did continue to be slightly sanctimonious. Shocker!

Here are some other reasons why many might consider me quite representative of all that is wrong with America!

I love free refills. The one thing I really missed when I was studying abroad in Chile, was that I could not get free refills for my soda. This was very sad.

One of the main casseroles in my recipe repertoire is a chicken noodle casserole (which I so creatively named Creamy Chicken Noodles when I was five) that uses one can of cream of mushroom soup. Preservatives have never tasted so delicious.

Since living in Boston, there are times that I miss Target and Old Navy. Both of these stores are in the Boston suburbs, which are a pain in the neck to get to on public transit. One of the bigger highlights of my Spring Break - was a field trip to the suburban strip malls - it was grand.

You know those fruity or chocolately alcoholic beverages that desecrate the majesty that is liquor, I drink them, I love them. Hard alcohol is delicious when mixed with fruit juice, coconut milk, or Baileys. Also I hate scotch, beverages should not taste like BBQ smoke.

I made an effort to go to the Brookline Farmers Market this summer. While the strawberries were delicious, I found that I like having a wide variety of produce year round (when I remember to eat produce), so eating locally is never going to happen for me (no avocados, no pineapple, no thank you!). I also like being able to buy all my groceries in one place, yay convenience!

Finally, the only Barbara Kingsolver book that I liked was The Bean Trees (and I love this book), the book she wrote before she decided to lecture her readers about her issue d'jour in her novels. Yes that means that I do not think that The Poisonwood Bible was the best book ever or a new classic.

My inner seventeen year old is so ashamed right now.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List: I am a bad union daughter!

2008-01-31T09:32:00.000-08:00

My parents are both proud union members, and my dad has ranted to me about right to work states for years (though he was a Republican for years and voted for Bush in 2000 - odd!), and my mom frequently emphasized that her union ensures excellent health care coverage for all its employees. So I try to be a good union daughter - not crossing picket lines (Dad has threatened to disown me if I ever did), avoiding shopping at Wal-Mart, and all that. The writers strike has made me very annoyed about the lack of decent T.V., and I do support the WGA's efforts and think they should not write another word until they get better residuals for both DVDs and new media. Therefore during the writers strike, I thought I should make a valiant effort to avoid watching the new reality show dreck and not buy TV on DVD.

However....these valiant efforts have not stopped me from getting sucked into the new American Gladiators. I have tried to justify this latest TV obsession by telling myself that this show was in development before the strike, so therefore it was likely to have made the schedule anyway, and I should not feel so ashamed. Entertainment Weekly, however, seems to want to do its damndest to make all the watchers feel guilty and stupid, which of course makes me annoyed because I hate it when quasi-hipster magazines and websites call me stupid.

However, tonight Eli Stone is premiering on ABC. The trailer looks intriguing, it has received good reviews, Berlanti is the show runner. So I should totally watch this right? Well, it is being recorded on the DVR. What am I watching instead? Make Me a Supermodel on Bravo.

Oh Dad, you ask such funny questions

2007-12-23T17:26:00.000-08:00

So today my computer decided to not start, and I have a paper that I did not back up (I know I'm an idiot, I realize this, no need for lectures) on the computer, and I was halfway done with said paper. I'm now typing on one of the computers at home while Dad watches Sunday Night Football. Anyway, he asked, with utmost sincerity, five minutes ago:

"So, did you enjoy this whole law school thing?"

HA HA HA! Oh Dad, your naivete is so cute.

Guilty Pleasures No More!

2007-12-19T07:58:00.001-08:00

During law school finals, I always get super stressed out and procrastinate by eating comfort food, rereading some sweet, gentle books, and fantasizing about jobs I should have gone into, instead of going to law school right after college. I've eaten at U-Burger (and I've had the cowboy burger with cheese, bacon, and sauteed mushrooms each time, with fries, and one time I even had a milkshake - though I did also have lettuce and tomato on the burger) 4 times in the past two weeks, and I am currently rereading E.B. White's collection of children's books (and unsuprisingly cried at the end of Charlotte's Web) all conveniently bound in one volume (thanks Barnes and Noble). Why stress about all those papers when I can eat loads of saturated fat and read tales of friendship and true love with anthropomorphic animals? Also, I've whined to myself about why I did not decide to be a librarian (I love books and reading), or an accountant (I was always good at arithmetic), or an actress (everyone tells me I'm loud and expressive, and I have lots of experience doing Roger's and Hammerstein in high school, I was an excellent Wife #4 in the King and I), or work for a public interest agency in Washington D.C. (I'm very passionate about issues, and unlike my sixth grade self, I don't mind busy work - bring on the xeroxing!), or stayed and worked the fall outdoor education season at Camp K the fall after I graduated from college and then possibly worked my way up to Camp Director and never use any skills I learned from my undergraduate degree (I had no shame singing silly songs about Mr. Moon or a Moose named Fred when I worked there, and I definitely could build a one match fire). My latest fantasy career is a recapper at Television Without Pity so now dear readers, you have to deal with me trying to be all whiny and witty about the TV shows that left me so bitter and disappointed that I finally let them go.

America's Next Top Model: I watched this show from the beginning. I still know that annoying Giselle was the first model who Tyra lectured for posing too much like a dancer. Bitchy Elyse and Stoner Adrienne were hilarious as they gallivanted around Paris. And the later seasons brought even more drama and antics from Janice Dickenson. Of course many people whined that the usual winner was not the best model, but for eight seasons I could understand why the winner was chosen (yes even Eva from season 3, Naima from season 4 and Jaslene from season 8). Then came season 9. At first I was optimistic, it looked like most of the girls had model potential. Then the panel started making some odd decisions. First they cut Lisa ("bikini dancer" hoping for a better life through modeling and she took great photos), and then they cut Heather (fierce though she had Aspergers). After that I stopped watching because I really did not care about the rest, but I figured I'd be back next season. But then they announced the winner - Saleisha, who was the biggest suck up ever and a wannabe YaYa, and she interned with Tyra Banks before, and the other two girls in the finale had much more potential. And now I am done with the show. For good. I mean it!

Degrassi: The Next Generation: I was addicted to this show for the past year, and then I had to let it go. I realize that Degrassi was never a great show, and all the problems that finally had me turn off the TV in disgust were there from the beginning. But I am just so bitter about season 7. At the end of season 6, I thought season 7 had great potential. Degrassi Community School was merging with Lakehurt (the big rival school). I thought this merger set up some interesting storylines for previously neglected characters. Throughout season 6, Degrassi had a rivalry with Lakehurst which began with a big fight at the junior varsity girls basketball game (seriously!), and culminated when one of the Lakehurst hoods stabbed J.T. Yorke, the class clown outside of Liberty Van-Zandt's, his ex-girlfriend's who he still loved, birthday party. You would think with the schools merging poor Liberty would have some problems coping since in season 5 she had J.T.'s baby and put it up for adoption, and in season 6 J.T. was about to tell her he loved her before he died in her arms and bled all over her super cute dress. Also, in a season 5 episode, Liberty gets drunk on Jack Daniels as a result of all the drama of the past year.

Now I have a soft spot for Liberty because except for the pregnancy and dead boyfriend stuff, she really was like a me in high school (i.e. a slightly sanctimonious, super overachiever), so I really want her to have a main storyline. But no-o, instead in the premiere they focus on loser couple Darcy and Peter and rehash a rape storyline, and all Liberty says is that now we must forgive Lakehurst (to be fair she does slap someone who said something mean about J.T. later in the season. But she should have at least thrown a punch). Seriously? That's it? She does not have any issues at all over this? No raging, no falling into alcoholism, no punching someone, no crying over what might have been? And then the only threatening thing that happened to Lakehurst over J.T. was Toby, J.T's best friend, posting an angry podcast which upset the bully Johnny DiMarco (who is about as threatening as Adrien Zmed as Johnny Nogerelli in Grease 2). The gauntlet was thrown! Then if that wasn't enough, the previews indicate that poor Liberty and Toby will not have plotlines for this season either.

But I could deal so far, since the plots seemed slightly better than earlier seasons, and Emma Nelson did not have 50 kajillion storylines. But then the writers decided to massacre Paige and Alex, who had the sweet reunion in the finale in season 6, where both characters made huge leaps forward to be together. Then they broke them up in the third episode of the season in the most out of character way possible. Paige told Alex she was better off as a stripper, and then threw her out of the apartment when she knew Alex did not have any other place to go. Awful, awful, awful! Also, in season 6 finale Sean was going into the army, which would be great episode material, and the executive producer for the show posted that there would be no episode about that this season. Ridiculous! And then I was done.

But really, I should not have been surprised about these things. Degrassi never gives the right focus and plotlines to the right characters and always drops plotlines (for example: the episode where Manny returned to live with her parents was all about Emma's issues, there was never any follow up to Alex's involvement in the big prank that caused Rick to go on a shooting spree, there was never an episode about Ashley going goth and becoming friends with Ellie after she was rejected by the cool clique). Further the show always breaks up their couples in horrible ways for drama (i.e. Paige and Spinner, Sean and Ellie, Craig and Ashley part two), pairs up people that don't make any sense (any relationship that Peter is in - he posted videos of drunk girls stripping on the internet and sent another girls photos to an internet pervert - he is not a romantic hero) and then never follows up (this was especially egregious in season 6 where both Craig and Sean returned but neither person dealt with their past relationships with Ashley and Ellie respectively). So really, Degrassi is pulling the same crap it always has, but now that they are doing this to characters I really like, and the writers continue to regress, and I am just bitter.

Gossip Girl: One thing, and one thing only. Blair losing her virginity to Chuck, who had attempted to rape two girls in the pilot, and she knew about it. And fans thought it was sweet and romantic. Ugh! Josh Schwartz, if you wanted to write a bad boy with potential for redemption character, attempted rape is no longer really a redeemable act (besides being abhorrent, you're also stealing 1970s soap opera plotlines - i.e. Luke and Laura - General Hospital).

Grey's Anatomy: Like Degrassi, I should have known there was no way that my viewing relationship with this show was going to end well. I never liked McDreamy. In the first season I thought he was manipulative and definitely favortised Meredith, and I though Meredith and McDreamy's relationship was utterly inappropriate and Meredith was right to be concerned. And then in season 2 it turns out he was married, and he wanted to try again with adulterous, yet awesome, Addison, but he was still telling Meredith he loved her and sniffing her hair in the elevator, while poor Addison was trying to make it work. But because everyone else for the most part was interesting and awesome, I kept watching. Then came season 3 with the ferry boat disaster, Meredith's multiple tragedies, George/Izzy, and Bailey not getting Chief Resident.

I gave season 4 a few episodes to shape up. It did not. Though Bailey finally got CR and Gizzie ended, the writers still fail to call McDreamy on his bullshit. Not all of the problems with McDreamy and Meredith are her fault. He was the one that strung along two women during season 2, tried to sabotage Meredith's other romantic relationships, and implied that Meredith was a whore. He is a passive-aggressive asshole of the highest order who really should be called on his crap already. (Ooh maybe Doctors Hahn, Bailey, and Yang can team up and do it - that would be awesome!) However, Shonda Rhimes seems to think that McDreamy is the bestest guy ever and anyone would be lucky to have him, and you know that eventually McDreamy and Meredith are going to be together forever. She is continuing to prop up McDreamy and keeping the Meredith and McDreamy apart with another stupid triangle, and it is just tedious. Also now the other characters are awful and miserable too! Done!

Now is time to get back to studying, or maybe I'll finish Trumpet of the Swan instead.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 7: Cover Your Ears - Music Guilty Pleasures

2007-12-12T07:26:00.000-08:00

If you haven't noticed, I don't feel that guilty about many of my guilty pleasures. Everyone in my law school classes knows that I watch lots of cheesy TV and movies. For example, everyone in one of my classes knew how proud I was that I finally was able to give up watching Degrassi: The Next Generation (a girl can only take so much melodrama, character assasination, and inconsistant plot development), and how excited I was that Project Runway was back on the air. But one of the areas where I feel most guilty about my lack of sophistication is music. My music taste is something that is quite embarassing. I still try to apologize for/distract from my lack of music taste in various ways such as: "I went to Summersault 2000 (an alternative Canadian music festival) and saw the Smashing Pumpkins' (where the new bass player made even my Darcy-hating sister, Sis RoyalTurkey, miss Darcy) last concert on the west coast and lots of other independant acts such as The Catherine Wheel (not that I remember what they played really, but I saw them live)," or "I can tell Nirvana and Pearl Jam apart," or "I only like Shakira's songs that are in Spanish, the lyrics are so much better" or "At least I buy my cheesy music at independant, used music stores most of the time."

Now how can this be, you wonder? How can Miss RoyalTurkey, who grew up in Washington state, home of grunge, have such crummy taste and think its a point of pride that she can tell certain grunge acts apart? Or maybe you're wondering, "Miss RoyalTurkey is so shameless about aspects of her unsophistication, bad-liberalness, and general bad taste, why is music any different?" Well, here are the sources of my lack of taste and for my guilt.

I can blame other people for this, really!
First of all, when I was younger, before the advent of portable CD players and Ipods, one of the main sources of radio came from my family's Dodge Caravan, Old Besty, that only got AM radio. Also my mother controlled the radio all the time, so we only listened to country. So I could probably still sing most of the lyrics to any Judds song, or some of Wynnona Judd's solo efforts, and I know the chorus to "God Bless Texas." So my early years were marred by twangs and songs about lost love and alcohol. So when I finally got a clock radio, I thought it was a joyous day to be able to listen to Soft Rock Cafe, the adult contemporary station. And since I was in a small hick town, the Seattle radio stations did not come in very well on my clock radio. So while Nirvana was taking the music scene by storm with "Smells Like Teen Spirit," I was stuck listening to such gems as "I Got Friends in Low Places" or maybe some fine music by Michael Bolton.

Also, if that wasn't enough, one of my friends KR gave me Amy Grant's "Heart in Motion" cassette tape for my eighth birthday, and I thought "Every Heartbeat" and "Baby Baby" were so catchy. (But at least my first CD was the Reality Bites soundtrack, and that is slightly decent, right, right?)

So I lived in happy ignorance for awhile, prancing around to the Spice Girls, so excited that I mastered the Macarena and the Electric Slide, and listening to Casey Kasem's adult contemporary countdown. Then Sis Royalturkey met one of her really good friends Amythest, and when they were in the seventh grade Amythest introduced Sis Royalturkey to this "alternative" music, and then Sis was addicted. She listened to Smashing Pumpkins day in and day out. We finally had a new car, Big Blue - the Chevy Astrovan, that got better radio reception so we listened to alternative stations from those big cities of Vancouver or Seattle. Well she listened, and I whined about how "negative" it was and how I did not like getting yelled at by Billy Corgan. Both Sis and Amythest claimed I just did not understand the depth of Billy's pain and longing. And though I scoffed, in my head I was thinking "Are they right? Do I not understand good music? What is the matter with me?" And the guilt began.

Then finally my two big crushes throughout high school also liked alternative music. 4-HMike was so edgy and witty, and painted his fingernails black and went to concerts in Canada, and had black curly hair that he styled in many interesting ways, and was in a band. Jon Santiago was so quiet and mysterious, his name in Spanish class was Valentin (que romantico, no?), and he reviewed the Black Eyed Peas CD for the Eagle Eye (our high school newspaper) before Fergie joined the band. So there were these interesting, quasi avant guarde guys who listened to groups that I had never heard of. I felt unworthy.

Of course I can now thank Sis Royalturkey's music snobbery for giving me the ability to tell The Smashing Pumpkins and Our Lady Peace apart. Because of Jon Santiago, I knew who The Black Eyed Peas were before Fergie joined to group. Finally, thanks to 4-HMike, I can name some ever-so-slightly-obscure Canadian bands from the 1990s. However, the part of me that bopped along to Amy Grant and the Spice Girls still dominates my psyche and hear are the key songs that I dance around to, possibly download, but feel guilty about later.

Oh the shame!
First of all, let me start off by saying that though I might have bad music taste, I so-o was not a fan of Britney, Christina, or boy bands. However, I justified my love for the group BB-Mack with the excuse, that they are British and they play their own instruments! Also though Christina Aguilera may have grown musically in the past ten years, the only two songs I really like of hers are "Come on Over" and "Dirrty." Finally though I loathe Britney Spears and wish she would just go away, I love "Toxic."

Then there's Rihanna. I was not a fan of "Umbrella" (even Sis Royalturkey claims that it's a good song when someone else sings it). But I love both "SOS" and "Shut Up and Drive."

Paris Hilton better thank whoever pro-tooled "Stars are Blind" because I loved it. Out of all of the actress/famewhores that want to become singers, she did the best job. Linday Lohan and Hilary Duff should feel great shame in knowing that Paris Hilton is a better singer than they are, or has a better sound mixer than they do.

Then there's "Life is a Highway" by Rascal Flatts. Sadly I loved this song more than the original. And my mother's country indoctrination still persists.

Though I was never a big fan of Fergie and always thought to myself, "what a poser I remember when she was on 'Kid's Incorporated,'" a few of her solo efforts make me quite happy whenever I hear them on the radio: "London Bridge" - which makes very little sense and "Big Girls Don't Cry" sponsored by Candies.

Though most of my musical guilty pleasures are just a few songs, I love Avril Lavigne, and I even bought her first CD. When my car was broken into at camp by the most inept, unskilled thief ever (he shattered my driver's side window, when all he needed to do to break into the car was use a coat hanger, he cut my turn signals when cutting the cords to steal my radio/CD player, I had to use hand signals for two weeks before I could get that fixed - argh, the ineptitude still makes me angry!), I was upset that he had stolen all my music including my Avril Lavigne CD, and I was also worried that the jackass would mock me for having the CD. Also, though I was able to guess all the lyrics to "When You're Gone" when I first heard it (because Avril's rhyme scheme is not that sophisticated), the music video still makes me cry.

Well, that's all I can think of for now. I'm sure there's more. But I feel such absolution now, that should last until Sis RoyalTurkey mocks me about one of the latest songs I like.

Good bye Smirnoff Ice - it's not you, it's me

2007-12-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

After drinking Smirnoff Ice for the first time my freshman year of college (my first alcoholic beverage no less), it was love. I proudly brought bottles of the lovely elixir to PPE social gatherings my senior year. I was always excited for CMC super fun days (I don't remember what they were called - but they happened in the afternoon, and there was usually a bouncy castle, Flood/Blue Judy played, and there was BBQ) because along with the keg ASCMC also kindly provided Smirnoff Ice and other malt beverages (and those "girly"drinks always ran out first). I rolled my eyes when people claimed that it was too sweet and that they preferred the bitter bite of PBR. I thought the whole "Smirnoff Ice is too sweet for me" was just a myth.

That is...until yesterday. At the journal bowling social I ordered a Smirnoff Ice for old time sake, and when I took a long pull of the beverage, it WAS TOO SWEET. All those college students had not been lying to me after all. So good-bye Smirnoff Ice, we had a lovely six year run, but I think I finally out grew you.

However, I still enjoy Mike's Hard Lemonade, and I still hate beer (but I'll chug it if its free). Some things will never change.

Inspirational Speeches from Dear Old Dad

2007-11-05T16:15:00.000-08:00

Normally my parents are go to people for inspirational speeches, since they oddly seem to think I may be the smartest, brightest person in the world (well, except for my sister and my brother). Which is nice, considering I think they may be the only people who think so.

However, when I talked to my dad during my parents' monthly "make sure that Miss Royal Turkey is still alive and lecture her for not calling more often" phone call, I told my dad what I could expect to make as a public interest attorney in New York, since I had interviewed with a NYC public interest organization. He stated, "You'll starve!" Thanks, Dad.

My former soccer coach is running for mayor

2007-10-22T09:00:00.001-07:00

Now this is not a particularly political blog, unless you count my list of superficial ideological shortcomings, but I believe that I need to enter the fray for one very crucial election.

One of the great things about growing up in a small town was the fact that I am usually only one or two degrees seperated from those who run for elected office. This election season my former soccer coach is running for mayor, and this is the first time that I wish I was registered to vote in Whatcom County so I could vote for him. So if you are a reader of this blog, and registered to vote in Whatcom County, and eligible to vote in my small city's mayoral election, then vote for Gary Jensen.

Here's the website, doesn't he sound reasonable and kind? He understands the city needs to grow, but wants to take into account the environment and small town atmosphere (which I think may be a tad bit overrated, but that's the reason I'm in Boston now). But those people that live in my small town certainly do think "small town atmosphere" is important and so our growth plan should reflect that, while also understanding that people also want some convenience of nearby chain stores and shopping centers. Also, when he was my soccer coach, he let my unathletic self play for a decent period of time each game, and occassionally let me start. What is more important than that?
http://www.jensenformayor.com/

Note (11/8/07): Yay! He won!
The Gary Jensen Era Begins
http://www.ferndalerecordjournal.com/index.php?goto=2007-11-07%2007:48:22&section=news

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 6

2007-10-01T13:54:00.001-07:00

I HATED Rushmore, I did not find it funny. I thought that kindergarten teacher should have run far, far, far away from Bill Murray, the asshole. She should have gone with the very nice, attractive surgeon played by Luke Wilson. But then Wes Anderson cannot have his fantasy life where, even if you are ugly and cruel and get into elaborate revenge warfare with 15 year olds, you'll still get the much younger, pretty woman, ugh! Also Max Fischer (played by Jason Schwartzman) was utterly annoying and obnoxious, though his final play at the end of the movie was kind of amusing

Since I hated Rushmore I refuse to watch any other Wes Anderson movies. I really don't need to watch assholes hurt people and exploit children, and yet still get a happy ending when really they should be bitchslapped and run over by a truck, just so I can claim I am deep and cultured.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 5: The Shelves of Shame - "Literary" Guilty Pleasures

2007-09-26T14:19:00.001-07:00

I have always loved to read. When my sister wanted to play outside, I wanted to read. In sixth grade I rebelled by reading lots of books instead of doing "pointless, tedious, annoying, busywork" (you know actual homework that was counted toward my final grade). I was lucky that my sixth grade teacher realized my potential and recommended me for all the advanced classes in middle school, even though I spent sixth grade being whiny and sanctimonious instead of actually doing productive work. I stayed up past my bedtime finishing engrossing stories. I still go on reading binges frequently, checking out ten library books at a time, and reading most of them in one weekend (instead of actually going out and being social like most normal law students). The people in the library and the T alway look at me oddly as I schlep my big bag of
books home. I still stay up late at night to finish these books.

Sadly, however, most of these books are not what you would consider fine literature. I still have not finished Prep (because Lee Fiora is a twit), The History of Love, or Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (I only have 200 pages to go on this one, I need to suck it up and finish. It is actually interesting and the social commentary is witty. Why oh why can't I just finish the book?), yet I stayed up until 4 am finishing cheesy "cozy" mystery novels. This is a confession of the fickle fiction that I love, that teaches me nothing, and that I could never confess to liking during times where I have to look intelligent.

The Early Years:
My love for predictable, shallow fiction that was well below my reading level started when I was young. Here's are some of the books that had me engrossed throughout my youth and frustrated my parents and teachers because I was not reading at my potential.

The Baby Sitters' Club series: This was my first series that I was addicted to. I discovered this series about seven middle schoolers who babysit and learn about life and friendship when I was in second grade, and sadly I continued to read this series through sixth grade. For being middle schoolers from Connecticut, Kristy, Claudia, Dawn, Stacey, Mary Ann, Mallory and Jessi always had the most exciting adventures - they got stranded on islands from going on sailing trips, they took exciting vacations to the Jersey Shore, New York City, Disney World, and California (where everyone is super laid back and eats tofu); they went to super exciting dances and many of them found boyfriends and love interests (well at least for a book), they solved mysteries, they had fun meetings and slumber parties where they got to eat lots of junk food hidden in Vice President Claudia's room (except for Stacey because she was diabetic). They also were the most admired people in their town and also learned life lessons. Some of them wore really cool clothes (I wanted to have my hair spiral permed like Stacey and to be able to pull of Claudia's wacky outfits). They made being thirteen sound so exciting (I was so disappointed when I discovered that being thirteen really sucks). Because I read those books however, I was once paranoid that I had diabetes like Stacey because I was always thirsty, and I still am annoyed by most sanctimonious, environmentalist hippies because California tofu eater, environmentalist Dawn Schaefer may have been the bitchiest person ever (she was so whiny and so mean to Mary Ann after their parents got married).

Sweet Valley High series: I read a few of the Sweet Valley Twins books, and then I discovered Sweet Valley High. Oh the drama of going to high school. This series was about the adventures of Elizabeth (good twin) and Jessica (bad twin) Wakefield. Being a total suck up when I was younger, I wanted to be Elizabeth, even though looking back she was totally annoying and hypocritical. Through this series I learned that I never wanted to try cocaine because it would make my nose burn, my heart race, and then I would die, not to ride motorcycles because I could get into an accident that would fundamentally change my personality and would cause me to make out with bad boys (seriously I was a lame child), not to get drastic makeovers because it would hurt my family's feelings, and that most rich people were EVIL. This series also did a special edition about Elizabeth and Jessica's family history, The Sweet Valley Saga, and I thought it was so amazing and engrossing that their parents's ancestors kept finding love with each other and then losing each other for 200 years, and that many of Elizabeth and Jessica's ancestors were twins that looked just like them.

Lurlene McDaniel novels: No author made dying of a deadly disease look more glamorous than Lurlene McDaniel. Her protagonists would always suffer from some tragic illness or medical crisis (this ranged from Leukemia to Cystic Fibrosis to needing organ transplants). Of course the illness would leave her protagonists beautifully thin, pale, and waif like. Then these sick girls would find love with some tortured soul, and then they would share some meaningful relationship, and then the beautifully ill girl would die, but at least she taught the tortured soul how to love. I always bawled my eyes out at the end of these books. When I was younger I thought that meant these books were amazingly deep since they caused such an emotional reaction. At the time, I did not understand the concept of emotional manipulation, and I failed to realize that I am the biggest crybaby in the world (still am - I cry at the end of every episode of Cold Case, during certain Hallmark Commercials, and at the end of Babe).

Then throughout middle school, I read a lot of bad romance novels (including those epic novels by Danielle Steele), and that is all I am going to say about that. I'm just amazed that I got through middle school without being sucked into incestuous drama of V.C. Andrews.

The Sad State of Affairs Now:
Like my 8 - 13 year old self, I still read cheesy series with pat endings and certain stock characters and I love them. Usually these are cozy murder mysteries that take place in small towns with wacky, nosy characters, but I also am a sucker for some chick lit and there is still one romance novel that I continue to reread. I'm afraid that all my readers will think much less of me and have great blackmail material after they finish reading this list. Or they will think I am at least a middle aged woman, seriously my grandma and I have gotten into discussions about some of the books that we both read. She also buys me Stephanie Plum hardcovers at Costco whenever I am home visiting.

Stephanie Plum series: This series is about a Jersey girl who decides to be a bounty hunter after she gets laid off, and she blackmails her sleezy cousin into giving her the job. Then she gets into wacky hijinks trying to apprehend these criminals. She has a zany grandmother, a former prostitute sidekick, two love intereststhat she has been torn between for thirteen books, a hovering mother, and every car she drives gets explodes except for her Uncle Sandor's 1963 Buick. To be fair, the first six books or so of this series actually got very good reviews and were rather entertaining in their own right and the characterization was actually fairly nuanced. However, since book 8 this series has mainly been going through the motions. Stephanie's car burns down, her Grandma Mazur says something wacky and frustrates Stephanie's mother, Stephanie's mother cooks a lot of food, Stephanie "banters" with her love interests, Stephanie still acts a complete buffoon trying to apprehend criminals even though she has been a bounty hunter for a very long time (13 books, seriously, no signs of improvement), and then she almost dies and usually gets shot when she finally solves the huge mystery. Yet I'm addicted, and I will read this series to the bitter end.

The Southern Sisters series: I try to justify my love for this series because heck it was written by Alabama Poet Laureate Anne George (but then I read her only novel and it was god awful and treacly, hopefully her poetry is better). This series involves grandmotherly sisters Patricia Ann and Mary Alice who get involved in murders in Birmingham, Alabama. Patricia Ann and Mary Alice are your typical opposites - Patricia Ann is tiny, Mary Alice is huge; Patricia Ann has been married for forty years, Mary Alice has been married three times to wealthy men; Patricia Ann is calm and reserved, Mary Alice is loud and boisterous; and so on and so forth. Also while they are solving these mysteries they usually interact with your typical wacky cast of characters - trashy inlaws, former students (Patricia Ann taught high school English) with issues, Mary Alice's many boyfriends, Elvis impersonators. They also kvetch about the lack of grandchildren, the trials of their children who are in their 30s and 40s, and argue a lot. But they are such sweet books and I love them. Sadly Anne George died in 2001, so the series ended with Murder Boogies With Elvis, but I have reread these books quite often, and then discussed them with my grandma.

Benni Harper mysteries: Benni Harper is the most irritating, practically perfect protagonist ever, but I can't stop reading each new Benni Harper book. Everyone is in love with Benni, she has a lesson to teach everyone, she is always right. Yet she never stands up to her meddlesome Grandma Dove even though she whines about her each book, she never tells annoying Texan detective Hud to go shove it and leave her alone and stop flirting with her because she is married even though she bitches about that in every book, and she never tells Gabe, her handsome, latino husband with perfect tan skin and thick head of salt and pepper hair and mustache (seriously she brings up these details every book), to quit acting like a patronizing, macho prick (it is not endearing, it is obnoxious). Yet I've read every damn book, and I know if a new one comes out I will read it too. There is no progression with this series - it always the same drama besides the new mystery, Gabe and her argue about her involvement in the case, Hud tries to be obnoxious and flirt, Grandma Dove meddles, dear lord!

These are just a few mystery series that I read on a frequent basis - there is also the series about a judge in North Carolina with eleven brothers and sisters, the PI in Miami who is overly dependent on her wealthy father and has way too many dysfunctional relationships, the Virginian ironworker who has a wacky family and is trying to navigate a new relationship while trying to solve crime, and I've even read a mystery series where a fairly legitimate author, Rita Mae Browne, claims the books were written by her cat - Sneaky Pie.

Now the final book...the one that I am almost too scared to admit to rereading because it is just so bad and embarrassing, and that book is....
The MacGregor Brides by Nora Roberts: I first read this when I was 15, and I loved it, but this does not explain why I keep rereading it and getting invested in the storylines even though I know it's absurd. This is a three story collection that Nora Roberts wrote for the Silhouette line of romance novels. I love it, and I reread it over the summer instead of actually finishing Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. I no longer read romance novels, I finally got over that habit in high school. But I love this one even though it is totally unrealistic and a bit sexist - there's a charmingly meddlesome, matchmaking grandfather, three girls who are twenty four (therefore they need to get married now - they are practically old maids!) yet unbelievably successful already a lawyer, a genius surgical resident, and a real estate mogul, a loving, wealthy multi generational family, and at the end weddings and babies. This books makes me roll my eyes about what being 24 years old is all about, but I still sigh romantically when Bran gives Gwen gifts that represent the 12 days of Christmas, when Laura and Royce get into a snowball fight, and when Cullum and Julia play games trying to get the other to say "I love you" first. Dear lord, what is wrong with me?

So there it is, anyone who reads this blog will never take me seriously again, and hopefully I'll eventually finish Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell. Maybe I can call my grandma and she'll buy me a hardcover of book 13 of the Stephanie Plum series and send it to Boston.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 4

2007-09-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

I eat when walking down public streets, and not socially acceptable things like ice cream cones, oh no I eat cupcakes. So if you ever see someone snarfing down a Party Favors cupcake while walking down the street in Brookline, it's probably me. I mean the half mile walk home is just too long to wait for buttercream deliciousness.

However, at least I don't brush my teeth while walking down the street. Yes, I saw a frat guy doing that yesterday afternoon.

Bad Liberal List Part 2: Where I'm Also Hypocritical

2007-08-30T14:44:00.000-07:00

I hate super liberal diatribes, even when I agree with them. (I also hate super conservative diatribes, and they make me quite annoyed and angry, but that does not make me a bad liberal.) It drives me absolutely insane when people start ranting about political issues and preaching about how the United States is EVIL, GENOCIDAL, and the ROOT OF ALL BAD THINGS. Now I am not an "America, Fuck Yeah!" type person, and heck I usually agree with the soapboxer's main points. However, when someone starts going on and on about all the awful things in the world (not in a classroom setting, but when somebody decides to pontificate about world issues in ordinary social settings in a lectury tone), I automatically feel contrary even when I agree. I realize this is a bit hypocritical considering that I rant and have ranted about various topics. When I was thirteen, I was exceedingly insufferable. Seriously, how did I have friends? Yet during those times everyone at least tried to act amused or interested in what I was blathering about. So I try to be patient when people launch into the latest liberal diatribe of the day and try not to shout out "I know that already, bucko, thanks," or "You're really preaching to the choir here buddy," or "Stop pontificating like a thirteen year old who thinks they know everything." Because logically I know that they are right and that they have good points, but for goodness sakes the diatribes grate. Yes, I realize that I just went on a diatribe about how much I hate diatribes, deal.

On the same token I never finished A People's History of the United States. Granted I was trying to read it when I was working at summer camp many, many moons ago, and a book about all the United States's oppressions is not condusive to staying perky while exhausted and encouraging 10 year old girls to work together. But even after that summer was over I never went back to finish it. That book was incredibly draining.

I realize I need to work on these issues, since I plan on working in public interest law, where there are many wonderful people who do great work, who also rant incessantly. I would really like to get through my career and try to save the world without giving myself a headache from rolling my eyes constantly or raising my eyebrows to the top of my forehead (and I have quite the large forehead). I hope this is possible.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 3: TV Guilty Pleasures

2007-08-09T16:23:00.001-07:00

Now in my earlier Gauche and Unsophisticated lists I have alluded to the fact that I may not have the best taste in many things. In fact I think I may have more guilty pleasures than the average person. Some people probably normally watch interesting documentaries and deep interesting HBO dramas and read award winning novels, and only indulge in watching their one silly show and reading series fiction occasionally. However, I am just the opposite, I usually read shallow, fickle books, and watch silly TV shows and movies, and occasionally try to read a decent book or watch a decent show when I feel a bit guilty for not expanding my horizons. I figured it was time to come clean about all my guilty pleasures, which I over indulge in. This week it is TV - where I admit I have weaknesses for bad reality shows, silly game shows from the 1990s and cheesy Canadian teen dramas. Prepare to be horrified.

My most recent TV guilty pleasure is Degrassi: The Next Generation. One night, instead of going to a law school social (in reality: similar to a keg party - except at a bar), I got drawn into a marathon on The-N network (the network that is directed towards 12-17 years olds). This show follows a bunch of students through junior high and high school as they deal with every teen issue (except racism - so I guess there is no racism in Canada, yet oddly minority characters keep disappearing even when they are related to other main characters). Basically every episode is a Very Special Episode. I had no prior investment in the Degrassi series. I was way outside of the target demographic, considering the show premiered after I graduated from high school. Further I don't only watch this show to mock it, I have become invested in the storylines. I squeed when Sean, the rebel who was going through a stealing phase when he fell in with a bad crowd, told Ellie, the angst ridden goth girl with an alcoholic mother who once posed as Marco's girlfriend even though he was gay, that her cutting scars did not scare him and instead touched her scars and held her hand when they were on the roof in the episode that was an homage to the Breakfast Club. I nearly cried when J.T., the dorky class clown, was stabbed and later died when looking for Liberty, the bookish smart girl who had his baby and put it up for adoption the season before, to tell her he loved her. He died before he could tell her, and Liberty found him slumped against his car, and it was very sad. I felt so bad for Ashley when she was ostracized by her friends after taking acid and insulting everyone at then end of the school year party - I still can't watch that episode all the way through because I feel so bad for her. I yell "shut up Emma!" every time that the main character who we are supposed to love, Emma Nelson, does something annoying (which is all the time). And in the most recent season finale I was so happy when Paige and Alex finally reunited, Alex was finally able to leave her toxic mother and quit stripping, and Paige was beginning to deal with her fears of dating another girl. Aww!

Speaking of Canadian teen dramas I also loved Higher Ground and watched it when it aired on ABC Family and then later WAM! This show took place at the worst outdoor school for troubled teens ever. There were so many illicit relationships and use of illegal substances, along with students running away, falling down mine shafts, directors relapsing and recovering in a three week period, staff members hooking up, and many other problems during every episode. Though I recognized these issues, I was still invested in the drama and was incredibly happy when Scott (played by Hayden Christiansen), the athlete who turned to drugs to deal with the fact that he was molested by his step mother, and Shelby, the drug addict runaway who had to turn tricks on the street to escape her step father who abused and molested her as well, finally became a couple. I know, I know, these teenagers had way too many issues to be in a healthy relationship, but I wanted them to be together anyway.

Then there is everyone's favorite show, America's Next Top Model. The crying, the wacky photoshoots, the dramatic makeovers, the fighting, the mothers missing their babies, Tyra trying to become Oprah and trying to demonstrate different modeling poses, Janice Dickinson judging while drunk or high and crawling on tables (the show hasn't been the same since she was replaced with Twiggy)! I love it, and not only mock it but I have my favorite models, and I was so-o happy when Adrienne won in the first season. I also have watched many other try to gain fame shows - Dirty Dancing, Finding the Next Pussycat Doll, the Missy Elliott future rapper show.

I was ecstatic when I discovered that ESPN classic was airing re-runs of American Gladiators. When I was ten I would stay up until 1:30 am to watch American Gladiators, and I even insisted that everyone at my 11th birthday slumber party watch it with me. Eventually I gave up American Gladiators to watch Saturday Night Live, but I still remember that I wanted to be 6'3" like Sky and always thought Nitro was mean and a poor sport (at least other gladiators shook the contender's hands). I am now watching it again at 7:00 pm every night. I am choosing to watch it over Jeopardy! I have chosen to watch bulky, roidy, mulleted people running around, smacking each other, and climbing things, instead of improving my trivia knowledge. My watching this show might be making me dumber.

Speaking of watching wacky, entitled people compete in silly competitions, I also love The Real World/Road Rules Extreme Challenge. I love the wacky competitions that they have to compete in. I fall for the editing every time. I hated entitled Princess Susie and thought her I Hate Tonya game was awful. I was so glad when Sarah proved herself to her team in five Gauntlets. Even though I don't watch either the Real World or Road Rules, I watch the challenge.

The things is I watch many other TV shows that are only moderately defensible. These shows are just the worst of the many shameful shows I watch or might get drawn into watching (I'm incredibly tempted to watch The Hills season three), and I'm sure I will find more. But really I can't be the only one that watches all these shameful shows, am I?

Hi! I'm the worst blogger in the world, but at least I try to spell things properly.

2007-08-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, so I haven't updated in a while, and I have probably alienated my few loyal readers. But I swear I am going to update soon! Really, I promise. And I'm going to rant about books, so it will even be a slightly intelligent blog entry.

Also, I will be returning to small town Washington state to visit for two weeks on August 10th, so I will be ready for fun, exciting happenings around the 11th.

Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part 2

2007-05-26T16:38:00.001-07:00

I tend to think that most question and answer sessions at academic conferences or at guest speaker presentations are little more than academic pissing contests. Instead of asking one to two sentence questions, academics and annoyingly pretentious students have to describe their entire dissertation or all the foundations of their beliefs which takes ten minutes, usually to prove that they are smarter and more nuanced than the presenters. So I usually avoid them.

I actually said this out loud in class once. At least my professors laughed instead of rolling their eyes or getting horribly offended and kicking me out of class.

Welcome to the Blog!

2007-05-14T13:28:00.000-07:00

Well, I have decided that it was time to become more adult and have a blog on Blogger instead of Myspace. Go me! I copied and consolidated the two postings below from my old blog because I thought they were amusing. So if you've read my old blog, they're still funny so you should read them again!

Also, I may never write about anything substantive, but people I know do. They even link to news articles and make salient, sophisticated arguments. So in the interest of making sure all your reading needs are satisfied, you should go read their blogs afterwards if you feel my posts are too shallow.

The Gauche and Unsophisticated List Part #1

2007-05-14T12:32:00.000-07:00

Along with being a bad liberal, I'm also not the most classy person on the block. One would think that by going to college and law school, I would have gained a modicum of worldly taste and good breeding and sophistication. Nope...and here are a few reasons why...

I really don't like wine at all...except for rose and riesling. And not the few good roses that the food snobs actually appreciate, but the cheap, crappy, almost tastes like artificially flavored fruit juice rose, preferably from the box.

While we are on the topic of alcohol, the whole concept of good beer is totally lost on me. I don't think "hoppy" or "dark" or "stout" is a good thing, and it just makes it harder to chug.

I can't read books where I don't like the characters. If I think they are ass-holes within the first twenty pages and that they have no endearing or redeeming traits, I will stop reading. (Somehow though I still made it through The Time Traveler's Wife and if I wasn't required to read The Great Gatsby for junior honors English I would have stopped after Nick passively watched Tom Buchanan beat up his mistress with no opinion or reaction grr...) The Corrections...ugh! Seriously between the passive aggressive mother and the son who felt so unfairly punished by the university because he screwed around with one of his students, I was done. Witches of Eastwick...ew! Besides the fact that the three witches seemed like utterly awful people, Updike had a misogynistic tone and his metaphors were just crass and not edgy. However, I have still continued to read the Stephanie Plum series, even though the books really have not been that good since #7, and I have reread such classics as The MacGregor Brides and The Red Hat Club Strikes Again numerous times along with other fickle, shallow books with no redeeming literary value.

I LOVE TV! There I said it, and not just the fairly decent shows "Brothers and Sisters" or "Six Feet Under". Oh no, currently I'm obsessed with "Degrassi: The Next Generation" even though I have been out of high school for five years, this summer I watched both "So You Think You Can Dance" and "Last Comic Standing." I also LOVE America's Next Top Model, Project Runway, Shear Genius; and many bad competitive reality TV shows. Though I watch more TV than is probably healthy, I've never seen a full episode of Arrested Development and was not sad when it was cancelled. I also wasn't sad when Everwood was cancelled, it had a great first season, but after that I stopped caring.

I try listening to independent music, but these efforts fail frequently. So I'll just stick with the catch tunes of Avril Lavigne, Kelly Clarkson, and the many, many songs I hear on the radio that are just catchy. The only reason I know of some decent songs and can tell Nirvana and Pearl Jam or Our Lady Peace and The Smashing Pumpkins apart is because my sister actually has decent music taste.

I love chain family restaurants...Applebees, Chili's, Tony Roma's. Nothing makes me happier than fried appetizers and baby back ribs. But Billy McHale's beats them all. Well...at least Billy's is fairly local (and has $4.00 Three Mile Island Iced Teas).

Finally I cannot schmooze or make small talk to save my life. I still haven't figured out how I'm going to be a decent lawyer if I can't even schmooze. Because I really don't think, wandering around nervously while twirling my hair is going to make law firms or prominent public interest organizations think tough lawyer who will win us gazillions of cases and get us a bunch of good publicity.

The Bad Liberal List Part #1

2007-05-14T12:02:00.000-07:00

So, now I claim to be a liberal, I vote for democrats during the election, and according to all internet tests I am quite liberal. However there's all these little things in life that make me think that I am a bad liberal. Here's quite a few. I'm sure I will think of more and add them to my ongoing list.

I'm ambivalent about Democrat dominance in Congress. With so many "conservative" Democrats coming in (many of whom are pro-life and anti-gay marriage), and the loss of some more liberal, moderate Republicans, I'm not sure that I am going to get what I want. The Democratic leadership, though, is still very liberal so I still have a smidgen of hope.

Aaron Sorkin is highly overrated, and I definitely don't want him to be my Democratic, progressive representative since he is a pretentious, condescending ass who can't seem to admit his own failings. Also for being so supposedly progressive his female characters tend to be obnoxious and unable to do anything on their own. Seriously, they were Press Secretaries, Presidents of Networks, and Headliners on Comedy Shows and they knew very little about how the world worked and always needed their UNREQUIETED, yet wholly uninteresting love interest to come and save the day. (Okay CJ is not as bad as the rest.) Also I liked Ricky and Ron a hell of a lot more than Matt and Danny on Studio 60, which is absolute crap by the way. Also The West Wing was never amazing. Sorkin is a prime example of repeating plot points, characters, and even dialogue, even though his three shows took place in totally different environments.... Bite me Sorkin, and quit justifying your drug use, how you treated your exes and other unresolved issues on my TV. Seriously get a blog like every other person in America.

My ambivalence towards American Apparel has grown to HATE. Now it's not just that their clothes are expensive, they don't fit correctly and make me look fat and square, and I don't like looking fat and sqaure. So I am increasingly frustrated that they are the go to company for independant shirt printers. I want smart alecky shirts too! So now I just wish that another "sweat-shop free" shirt company comes into the fray, that actually makes shirts that fit, or that one of these companies will find a wholesaler that makes shirts that fit nicely and don't condemn someone who has boobs, at this point I don't even care if that wholesaler is from China!

Slate Magazine is so incredibly obnoxious. All the authors are so self-rightous. Also, I'm still pissed that the spent at least a paragraph in one of their Harriet Miers articles bitching about how she went to SMU for law school and not Stanford. Of all of Harriet Miers's problems, not going to an Ivy League law school was not one of them, so please zip it elitist ass-holes. Also, I preferred their original Dear Prudence to the latest one.

I do not listen to NPR, and the idea of listening to it makes me shudder. Of course I think this is because Mr. Sayles, our bus driver, would force the entire bus listen listen to All Things Considered after he forced us to listen to his bad pirate songs. So I think it is more psychological trauma from riding the hick bus in middle and high school than anything else.

I still haven't seen the documentary exposes on the latest evils, like Wal-Mart. I think I avoid it partially because I already know that Wal-Mart is bad, bad, bad, but it doesn't seem like anyone can come up with a solution to the problem. They just whine about how one-stop shopping is ruining America and making us fat and ending the world. (If the latest documentary doesn't just whine and actually provides a solution, then please let me know.) But then when Wal-Mart does anything decent, like cut back on its electricity use for example, then other liberal pundits whine about how it is all a PR move. Well, don't you want to save the environment, people? Don't bitch about companies who are already making efforts even if its just a PR move.

I love Disney! Except for the sequels, Hunchback of Notre Dame and Pocahantas. I loved vacationing at WALT DISNEY WORLD after last summer, even though I realize that I should vacation in areas where I can learn about the local culture and give some money to the local economy, and Disney is destroying the world according to some.

I thought George P. Bush (the nephew) was hot during the 2000 election. Also I now think Mitt Romney's five sons are quite attractive as well. Their answers on the Sixty Minutes interview were insufferable, and overly rehearsed, but they are quite attractive.

Teresa (pronounced Ter -AY-za) Heinz Kerry is quite annoying. I really did not give a damn how honest she was about her botox treatments.

I think most Food Co-Ops smells funny and therefore the shopping experience is not so pleasant.

I don't buy organic food because it is expensive and I cannot tell the difference.

I love Seven Brides For Seven Brothers, but I hated Rent. Maybe it was just a bad production - but I thought the two lead males had some major entitlement issues, why should they get the apartment for free just because their friend was the landlord? I know, I know, I'm missing the larger point about love and it was really cruel of the friend to renig on the offer. Yet I like a musical about hickish, macho men kidnapping the loves of their lives against their will...hmm... Also according to pretentious movie blog Pajiba, my hatred of Rent not only makes me a bad liberal, but a bad person (good to know that religious demagogues and pretentious movie bloggers both agree that I am an awful person condemned to hell - one less thing to wonder about). http://www.pajiba.com/rent.htm#trackbacks

I have enjoyed chai and hot chocolate at both Tully's and Starbucks - the evil, huge, coffee monoliths. However when I'm home I do go to the small espresso stands too.

I EAT MEAT - lots of it, including red meat, and I hate tofu.

Following from that I like hotdogs as well. And even worse my favorite hotdog at Spike's Junkyard Dogs is the Texas Ranger.

I HATE YOGA!! There are no such things as sit-bones! It's a tail-bone, there is only one. Or just call it a butt, or ass, or derriere! Yeesh! And no position has made me more aggravated, annoyed and pissy than downward dog, it is not fucking relaxing!

Hemp is itchy (but I guess I'm good at making hemp bracelets). On the same token I hate the smell of Marijuana.

I did not go precinct walking or do any phone banking for the 2004 election. Since people do not like being cold called by telemarketers or pestered by missionaries of various religions, I figured that acting like either group is not an effective strategy to get people to vote.

I did not protest the inauguration. (My Ferndale friends who remember me as quite radical are sure to be disappointed) But again I don't think pestering people with placards really makes them sympathetic to one's cause. In fact I've never participated in any protest. (Shocking, I know.)

I hate the smell of incense.

I have actually purchased some items from Wal-Mart. I did feel really, really, really bad afterwards though.

Bowling for Columbine was not that good of a documentary, and Michael Moore's exaggerations probably did not help his platform.

I shop at Barnes and Noble. I'm sorry, but the last time I went to Village Books all of the clerks were ass-holes, until they get friendly I will not patronize. But I do go to many used book stores because I'm cheap.